Forever Lost In You
His Poem, Her Poet
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What's Mine is Yours

Summary: buffy is an english lit student and comes across this poem written by this poet named william the poem is sandwiched in between the pages of an old book NO ONE EVER checks out. on the back of the poem is a cryptic message, moved and enraptured by the words held in the poem, our young lit student goes on the hunt for the ellusive writer. a chance encounter at a bar near the "home" of the enigmatic writer puts her in contact with a stranger with an english accent and a penchant for language and words. could he be??

Chapter 1


Buffy Summers sat about four rows back in the lecture theatre. She was listening intently as she jotted down notes on the works of Jane Austen. It was a British Literature class, it was one of her favourite classes and Austen was one of her favourite authors. The class was one that was essential to her degree. She was studying English literature at UCLA, and was only a couple of months away from graduating. And since so much influential literature came from British authors, it was one of the last compulsory classes she had to take before graduating. She looked up from her notebook as the professor started handing outr the final essay assignment. When the handouts reached her, she took one and automatically put it inside her notebook to read later. When everyone had the assignment the professor dismissed the class. Buffy stood up and put her things in her book bag.

She walked out of the room to find her friends already waiting for her

"Hey Wills, Tara" she greeted them witha smile

"Hey" they replied together

"You guys have anymore classes?"Buffy asked

"Nope" Willow answered shaking her head

"Cool, wanna go grab a coffee?" she suggested

Her friends nodded their heads in agreement as they started walking. Buffy said hello to a few people as she went along. She wasn't the high school definition of popular; but she was both well known and well- liked. She was a kind and caring person. She was smart and beautiful. She had blonde hair that came to her shoulders, eyes as green as emeralds and a pretty smile. She was petite in size, but very strong. Both physically and emotionally. She knew who she was and what she wanted, and she wasn't afraid to go after it.

Willow was similar in personality, outgoing and kind and smart. She looked nothing like Buffy however. She had red hair which sat a couple of inches above her shoulders, she had green etyes and was tall and slim.

Tara her girlfriend was more full figured. She had long dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Unlike the others she was very shy. But just as kind and smart as they were.


The three girls walked to starbucks, talking about classes and final assignments as they went. After ordering, Buffy took her latte and brownie and went over to a table in the corner. She sat down and waited for the others to get their orders. When they were all finally sitting, they jumped straight back into conversation.

"So, Buffy what's your final British literature assignment?" Tara asked her.

Buffy shrugged "Haven't read it yet. I have it in my bag, so let's see" Buffy dug into her bag pulling out her notebook. She pulled out the assignment and scanned the assignment. She sighed.

"It's not too bad, the question is on Austen so i should be okay. It's:

One of the signs of Austen's authorial brilliance is that her novels offer riches for interpretation in many areas, including social, domestic, and political themes. Students were asked to pick one theme to discuss from this list:
The impact of class distinctions on characters and events in Persuasion, Emma or Pride and Prejudice
The role of wills and entailment in Sense and Sensibility or Pride and Prejudice
The concept of women's education in Mansfield Park or Emma
i'll probably do the first one" she told them

"You're lucky, i mean you really like Austen so you have an advantage of having read most of her work" Tara said

"Yeah Buff, that's a pretty descent question" agreed Willow

"Yeah, i like it" Buffy said. She took a sip of her coffee, and spoke again "I'll have to go to the library soon though, i wanna get a head start on the assignment. It shouldn't take me too long if i get started now"

Willow nodded in understanding "Yeah, you're right, better to get it out of the way. Can you guys believe that we graduate in a couple of months?"

"I know, it's so weird i mean; We need to decide what we're going to do when we leave here" Buffy felt both afraid and excited at the prospect

"Well, i already know what i'm doing" Tara informed them. Her girlfriend looked at her surprised, she hadn't told her anything

"What?" asked Willow

"Well, i got a call yesterday, i got the place at that small practice i told you about. I'm going to be a psycologist" she announced, a wide smile crossing her face. The other two beamed at the news. Tara had wanted to do that since she started college and she really wanted to work in a small practice and had fallen in love with one an hour outside of LA.

"Oh my god, Tara that's amazing" Willow squealed, hugging her

"Yeah, congratulations Tara" Buffy agreed

"Thanks" the girl blushed. She never did like to be the centre of attention.

"This calls for a celebration, how about we all go out tomorrow night" Buffy asked

"Definetely" Willow said excitedly, still pleased that her girlfriend's dream was coming true

"Ok, well, i'll call the others later and arrange it" Buffy offered. Willow agreed and the continued to chat happily about what they wanted to do after they graduated. Buffy talking excitedly about possibly going into freelance work while she worked on the novel she wanted to write. That had been her dream for a long time. Willow on the other hand wanted to go on to law school, but was considering taking a year out frst. She was just waiting to hear from the couple of universities she had applied to first before deciding. They talked animatedly about their options, all becoming more and more certain everyday of what they wanted to do with their lives.


Eventually they went their seperate ways, Buffy heading back towards campus to find some books for her assignment in the library. She found a table ion a quiet corner and laid out all of her things, ready to take notes. She pulled out the class notes and her own books that she had for the class. She flipped open her notes and looked over the assignment again. She decided firstly to make a basic structure so that she would know what she was going to do. She took a freas sheet of paper and started jotting down her oplan. Inserting certain details from her class notes that she wanted to include in a certain section. When she finally finaishedthat a little over an hour later, she decided to start looking for books. She first looked at the list of suggested books. She took a mental note of which ones would work for the essay she was writing and made her way into the stacks.

First she found the books from the list. There weren't many at the moment but she took them anyway. She then walked towards the back of the stacks, she knbew that there were a lot of good, old bbooks back there and decided to see if there was anything she could use. She scanned the shelves, findig a section that held books on british literature. She set her books down on top of the bookcase, and went over. She ran her fingers along the spine of the books as she read the titles, murmuring them to herself. Suddenly her eyes landed on a book, that was a book on British authore of the 1800's. She pulled it out and read the contents and saw that there was a considerable section on the works of Austen. She noticed that the book hadn't been checked out in at least two years and decided she would give it a shot anyway. She added it to her pile as she made her way back to her table. She put the books down and lifted the first one.



She spent the next three hours flipping through books making notes, jotting down quotes and making page referances etc. She had filled a lot of pages with what she had written. But there was still a lot of books she wanted to look at. Thta was the way she did things. She read and took notes from as many books as possible and then used the stuff she thought was best. She looked at the final book. It was almost 9pm, she decided to scan the book quickly and if it was any good she would check it out. She checked the page number for the Austen section and started to flip the pages. From the corner of her eye she saw something sticking out of the pages of the book. Her curiosity was too much so she pulled it out. She undolded the paper, talking to herself

"What is this?" she wondered
Her question was answered as she scanned the paper. A poem.

Chapter 2



Buffy looked at the poem in her hands, taking in the words on the page. After reading it for the third time, she began reading softly aloud to her self, repeating the words,
"My soul is wrapped in harsh repose,
midnight descends in raven-colored clothes,
but soft...behold!
A sunlight beam cutting a swath of glimmering gleam.
My heart expands,
'tis grown a bulge in it,
inspired by your beauty...
effulgent.

She let out a breath when she was done, keeping the paper clasped tightly in her hand. She thought of the words, thinking of the love that shone through in them. It was a poem like no other she had ever read before. She sat still for another ten minutes, thje words replaying in her head. When her head finally cleared a bit, she gathered her things, including the book and the poem. She put the poem in her bag and took the book to check it out.



Buffy walked through the door of the apartment she shared with Willow and Tara. Entering the living room she saw them snuggled on the couch watching a movie. She mumbled a hello and went straight to her room. Willow and Tara shared a look

"Do you think she's ok?" Tara worried, it was unlike Buffy to just go straight to her room without really speaking to them.

"I don't know, she looked a little dazed" Willow observed, she looked in the direction of Buffy's door "Should i go and check to make sure she ok?"

"Yeah" Tara nodded "that might be a good idea"
"Ok" Willow paused the movie they were watching "i'll be back in a minute" she told her girlfriend getting up from the couch. She went over and knocked on Buffy's door and waited for an answer, when Buffy called for her to go in she iopened the door

"Hey Buff, you ok?"
"Yeah" Buffy said. Willow wasn't convinced

"You sure"
Buffy shook her head a little as if trying to clear a haze away "Um, yeah, just thinking"

"Wanna talk about it?"
"It's nothing bad Wills" Buffy assured her seeing the worried look on the other girl's face "Just i found this at the library" she picked the poem up from her bedside table where she had put it when she first came in, and handed it to Willow.
Willow looked over it and looked confused "A poem?"
"Yeah, something about it just got to me. I don't know what exactly"
"Well it is a nice poem" Willow conceded
"Yeah, bvut it's not just that, it's the whole thing. It radiates love and the words the writer used just really stand out" Buffy explained

"I guess" Willow turned the paper around in her hands and glimpsed writing on the back "Hey what's this?"
"I dunno, what is it?"
"It's a date, name and address" Willow said, holdng the paper towards Buffy so that she could look. Buffy looked at it and noticed the date. She pulled the book where she had found it out of her bag and flipped it open

"This date, that's the last time this book was checked out, January 15th 2002. That's just over two years ago. The name is D. Kensington. Mabe that's who wrote it"

Willow took the paper again
"And the address is in some town a little outside LA, i've heard of it. Sunnydale it says. Don't know what that could be, the writer's address maybe" Willow suggested
"Maybe" Buffy agreed, the wheels turning in her head "only one way to find out"
"What d'you mean Buff?"
"Well, i go to the address. I wanna know more about this poem and whoever wrote. Spring Break is next week i'll go then"
"That's not a good idea Buffy, you have no idea wo wrote this or what any of this stuff on the back means. You don't even know the three things are related" Willow warned
"I know, but i wanna do this Wills, it captured me the minuter isaw it. I have to know"
"Buffy, i just-"

At that momen Tara came in to see what was taking so long

"Everything ok?" she asked
"Fine" Buffy insisted
"No, not fine" Willow disagreed showing the poem to Tara "She wants to go looking for whoever wrote this during Spring break, going only by what's written on the back and i don't think it's a good idea. You agree with me rigfht?"
"I-i, well, i-i guess that it may not be the best idea but-"
"Tara i just want to know more, i want to know who wrote this, find out a bit more"
"I can understand that too." Tara honestly could see where Buffy was coming from
"Tara it may not be safe"
"No, Willow maybe not, but Buffy is a big girl, it's her decision" Tara told her firlfriend gently "but if you'tre so worried maybe we could go with her"
Willow nodded and looked expectantly at Buffy, waiting for agreement
"Fine come to Sunnydale with me, but when i go looking i wnat to go by myself ok?"
Willow agreed grudgingly, but she knew she had to compromise on this one thing. Otherwise, Buffy would go anyway and do what ever she wanted and she just felt that was too reckless.
"So when do you want to leave?" Tara asked
"Sunday morning, that gives us a week" Buffy said
"Ok, we'll leave you alone now then" Tara smiled at Buffy and pulled Willow out the door with her


Buffy picked the poem up again, proceeding to read over it numerous more times that night.

Chapter 3



Those next few days passed quickly enough. Buffy spent her time going to class, and working on her British literature assignment. Every so often, she couldn't help herself, and she would once again re-read the poem. Thinking about the kind of person that would write a poem like that. She imagined it was a man, but that was all that she was suere of. Everything else was simply speculation. She imagined a kind person, someone who obviously felt a lot of love. She assumed that the poem was written for a specific person and she thought that whoever she was, she was very lucky. Judging by the words, Buffy couldn't help but think that he must be a wonderful man. But there was something more, something that was uncertain. She just couldn't figure it out. On Saturday afternoon, she spent her time packing a week's worth of things to take with her, things she assumed she would need. General things, clothes and shampoo. The essentials. Subconciously, she also packed clothes that would make people notice her, the things she knew she looked good in. After she was done, she settled down for an early night, the poem clasped in her hand.


As soon as dawn came on Sunday morning, Buffy was ready to leave. She was rushing around making sure that she had everything and that Willow and Tara were prepared for the trip. Willow was still nervous and tried several times to change Buffy's mind. Telling her they could all go somewhere else for spring break, but Buffy was determined, and unwavering. She was going to Sunnydale, and she was going to find that poet. As she checked her bag one last time she called over her shoulder

"Guys, are you ready to go, make sure you have everything?"

"Yes Buffy, we're all set" Tara called back
Willow came into the living room carrying a duffel bag

"Are you sure about this Buff?"
Buffy rolled her eyes as she answered the same question she had answered several times in the last few days

"Willow, i'm sure, i'm going to Sunnydale"
Resigned Willow nodded mutely, and went to get Tara. The two came back into the main hallway, where Buffy was waiting with the door open. Tara smiled, actually happy about the trip, seeing Buffy's enthusiasm about the whole thing.



They packed their things into the trunk of Buffy's car. Buffy got into the driver's seat, Willow next to her and Tara in the seat behind. As soon as they all had their seatbelts on, Buffy pulled the car away, heading for the highway. The first 45minutes of the journey were made in relative silence. Each of the girls still tired, and thinking about what they were hoping to happen on the trip. Willow and Tara really only wanted to spend time together. Buffy however, was only concerned with finding the poet. She wasn't bothered by the fact that her friends had come along, but she would also have been perfectly happy to make the trip herself.


"Buffy, have you decided where you're going to start?" Tara asked tentatively

"Well, i figured, i could start with checking out the address on the back of the poem, good a place as any"
Tara nodded "Do you want us to go with you?"

"No i want to do this myself, but thanks for offering" Buffy said. She really was grateful that Tara was supportive of what she wanted to do. She could understand Willow being worried, they were best friends and Willow was always there for her but this had just gotten to Buffy. Since seeing that poem she knew that she had to do something, and at least Willow had agreed to go to help.

"Ok, but if you need us, you know we'll help you" Tara replied, looking towards Willow to confirm her words

"Yeah, we will" Willow agreed.

Buffy smiled, she was glad that Willow was willing to help her
"Thanks guys"


From then on fior the next 45minutes which was how much longer until they reached Sunnydale, the three girls were engaged in their usual muddle of conversation. Talking about anything and everything. They discussed Tara's job, Tara filling them in on everything that she had to do beforwe she started her job straight after graduation. Willow was still waiting to hear from law schools, but she still hadn't nade up her mind if she was actually going to go or not. Buffy still hadn't decided on anything. She knew she would have to, but she would do that next week.




They arrived in Sunnydale, and Willow liked the town straight away. It was very small, but also somewhere she thought she would love to live. When they passed the welcome sign she notice that there wasn't exactly a large population, and although she loved LA, she had always wanted to live in a small town like this. They drove around for a while untl the spotted a nice looking motel. It looked respectable enough so they decided to book rooms there. Buffy parked the car and went to the reception.

"Hi, i need two rooms. One a double" she told the man at the desk.

"Ok, we have a couple, you can have 312 and 313. Here are the keys" he said pulling them out from out of a box on teh counter, seperated into compartments for the keys for each room "How long will you be staying?"

"Um, a week, in the name of Summers" she said to him. He wrote it down and handed her the room keys, after telling her to have a nice time he went back to his work and Buffy went back to the others

"Ok, here is the key" she annonce handing it to Willow "So why don't we go put our stuff in and then we can go have a bite to eat before we part ways" she suggested. The agreed and each went to their seperate rooms. Putting somethings away. They met outside ten minutes later, seeing a cafe just across the street they decided they would be best just to eat there.



An hour and a half later, Willow and Tara had gone off exploring the town. Buffy was driving around slowly trying to find the address, but she wasn't having any luck. She spotted a man about her own age and decided to ask him if she knew where it was. She slowed right down and yelled through the window

"Excuse me" she caught the man's attention and motioned for him to come over "Hey, i was wondering if you could help me, i'm looking for Rovello Drive, do you know where it is?"

The man smile kindly "Sure, it isn't far from her, you just drive down that road" he pointed in the direction he meant "Take your first right, then you drive down about a block and then turn left, take the next left and that's Rovello"

"Thank you so much" she said, glad that she finally knew where she was going "I'm Buffy by the way"

"Xander, Xander Harris"

"Thank you again, Xander Harris"

"No problem Buffy." He gave her a wave as she drove off.



A few minutes later she came to a stop outside a nice house. Checking the paper once more she saw that she was indeed at the right address. She took a deep breath and got out. She walked up the path and stopped in front of the door. Pausing for a moment before ringing the bell. It was't answered straight away so she rang again, still no answer came. She was about to leave when the door swung open. She was face to face with a young man

"Hi" he greeted, Buffy gawked, wondering if this was the poet, he was only about her age. And kind of geeky.

"Um h, hi" she stammered "I was wondering if someone by the name of Kensington lives here?" she felt a lot more awkward than she had expected. The young man looked at her and was about to answer when a female voice came from behind her

"Baby, who's at the door" a girl of maybe 19 years old appeared "Oh, hi, can we help you?"

"Um, this woman was just wondering if someone named Kensington lived here?" the boy said

"No, sorry, we just got this house. We let it from someone named um" she looked at who Buffy was assuming was her boyfriend as if asking him to fill the name in

"Giles" he reminded her

"Giles that's it. Sorry we can't help you"

"Oh, don't worry about it. But do you know if a Kensington ever lived here?" she asked

"Sorry, i don't know. We just moved to town. Andrew and i just wanted a change and we thought here was nice. Sorry we can't be more help"

"That's fine" Buffy assured "I'll figure something out"

"Ok, bye" the man, Andrew said

"Bye" Buffy called as she returned to her car. She got in and tried to decide where to go next. She drove aimlessly around town again for a while. Looking at her watch she saw that it was long after noon, she saw a small bar serving food and decided to stop for a while. She took a seat at the bar and the bartender asked what she wanted, after ordering a coke and a sandwich, she looked around. She saw someone sit next to her at the bar, and turned to look at them. Xander smiled at her and she smiled back

"Hi, didn't expect to see you around again" he said in a friendly tone

"Yeah well, i was hungry" she joked, for some reason she felt at ease with him. He was friendly from the beginning and he just seemed very nice. He laughed along with her

"So did you find who you were looking for?"

"No, they must have moved. The people living there now are letting from a man named Giles" she said, hoping that he may be able to enlighten her

"Oh, Rupert Giles, my fiancee works with him. I don't know who owned the house before him, they weren't around often but i can show you where he works. It isn't far i can walk you there" he offered. Buffy let out a sigh of relief, feeling like maybe now she would start to get somewhere.

"Sure" she agreed

They finished their lunch when it arrived, and when they were done they left

"Cn i leave my car here?" she asked

"Yeah, it'll be fine"

"Ok, let's go" she said

"Ok, it's on main street" he said as he led her in the direction of where she hoped she may finally find a clue as to the whereabouts of the poet she so desperately wanted to find.

Chapter 4



It didn't take long to get where they were going, within ten minutes they were right in the middle of main street and Xander was pointing to a small magic shop

"Rupert Giles owns the shop" he told her "has done for a couple of years"
Buffy nodded mutely, a little anxious about what was going to happen next. Things hadn't excatly gone to plan so far, she knew she had a week but she wated to find the poet as soon as possible. She continued to walk along b eside Xander in the direction of the shop

"Thank you for all your help today" she said as they neared the destination

"No problem, always ready to help" he insisted. She smiled warmly. She looked at her surroundings, it was quiet and there wasn't a lot of shops, completely different from Los Angeles but in this case that wasn't a bad thing. They approached the shop, and the bell above the door rang as Xander opened the door for her.

Looking around she saw shelves and shelves of what she could only imagine were magic books, artifacts and charms. Anything related to the world of magic. The shop was not large but she found it to be very quaint. Everything was perfectly set out. There was a spiral staircase that led to more books and things but she didn't know what kind exactly. There were only a couple of customers browsing the merchandise. She saw a pretty blonde woman watching themm carefully from her place behind the counter. nWhen she saw Xander go over she realised that she must be the fiancee he had told her about. She left them for a momentm, watching as he gave her a kiss. After the greeting seemed to be finished with, she went over to stand beside them. Xander looked at her and turned to his fiancee

"Honey, is Giles around?" he asked

"No, he stepped oput, can i help?"

"No, this is Buffy, she's looking for Giles, do you know when he'll be back?"

"He shouldn't be long" she turned to Buffy "You can wait if you like"
Buffy smiled "Thanks" she said accepting the offer

"I'm Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins. Soon to be Harris" Anya introduced her self offering her hand to Buffy
Buffy shook it

"I'm Buffy, Buffy Summers" she said "It's nice to meet you"

"So why are you looking for Giles?" Anya asked

"Oh, i'm looking for the person who lived in a house he's letting out, i was hoping he could help me" Buffy told her

"Oh, ok. So do you like magic?"

"Not really it's not my kinda thing" Buffy admitted
Nothing else was said as they heard someone come through the door, Buffy expected and hoped to see the man she was looking for, but was surprised to see Willow and Tara come in instead. They seemed equally surprised

"Buffy, hey" Willow squealed excitedly "isn't this just so cool"
Buffy rolled her eyes at her friend

"Yeah it's great Will" she looked at Tara who was smiling at Willow's obvious excitement. Buffy then felt rude and rushed to introduce the newcomers

"Oh, this is my best friends Willow" she pointed to the redhead "and Tara her girlfriend, and another of my best friends" Buffy finished

"Hi, nice to meet you" Xander shook both of their hands in turn, followed by Anya who asked very bluntly

"Hi, do you like magic, are you going to spend money in my store?" Willow and Tara giggled at the abruptness, Xander looked a little bit emabarassed, Buffy just thought it seemed normal.From the moment Anya had introduced herself, Buffy had the feeling that she was tyhe kind of person who said what they had on their minds.

"So Buffy, what are you doing here?" Tara inquired

"Waiting for the owner, he owns the house that is the address i'm looking for but the person i'm after doesn't live there. I was hoping he could help me" she filled them in on what had been happening since they had parted that morning

"So no luck so far?" Tara asked sympathetically

"Not yet, but things can only get better"

"Yeah" Tara agreed



The five of them soon got involved in conversation on why they were in SDunnydale, but Buffy didn't really want them to know the real reason, so when Xander asked the question she thought quickly to come up with a plausible reason

"Well, i'm looking for someone and it's spring break so we thought we'd kill two birds with one stone and have a holiday down here for the week"she said

"Yeah, and it is so nice. Really quiet but so homey" Willow chirped "i like it here already" Buffy could see a glint of something in her eye but couldn't really pinpoint what it was

"It's an ok town, a bit boing but it's nice" Xander agreed. He told them how he had lived there his whole life and worked in construction. He told them a bit about what it was like to grow up and start a career in the small town.

"I always wanted to-" Willow was cut off when the door opened again. This time a middle aged man with glasses came through the door


"Giles" Anya started as soon as he approached "this woman is looking for you"



Giles looked at Buffy
"Yes, how can i help you?" he asked in a refined English accent

"Mr Giles, i was wondering if i could speak to you for a minute"

"Of course" he motioned for her to follow him, she did so and he took her into a small back room where a small office was "What can i do for you?" he asked as he motioned for her to take a seat.

She cleared her throat before she began "Mr Giles, this may sound crazy, but a few days ago i found something, a poem. There was something about it that just drew me in and there was a name, address and date on the back of it. I just wanted to find the poet, see i'm studying English Literature and this poet has just created an interest for me. I assumed that the name on the back was the poet. It was the name Kensington" she got no further, the man removed his glasses and began to rub at them with the corner of his sweater

"Miss, what was your name?"

"Summers, Buffy Summers" she told him

"Buffy, i highly doubt that Kensington was the poet. Maybe the subject, not the poet. I have an idea who the poet may have been. Where exactly do you attend college?" he questioned

"UCLA"

"I thought so, Buffy, i believe the poet you may be looking for is William Giles"

"But that would be" the question wasn't completed as he knew what she meant

"Yes, my son. However, he doesn't really talk to people often any more and it is not my place to tell you anything regarding that poem or the subject. I'm sorry" He was sincere in his apology, but he also knew hios son

"I understand that, but Mr Giles, i just really would like to talk to your son, even if it's just to return the poem, if he doesn't want to speak to me then i will respect that, i just would like to have the chance" she looked at the man, pleading with her eyes for him to give in.



Giles wasn't sure there were a lot of reasons why he shouldn't do this and also many why he should. William hadn't spoken to many people since all this had started, and finished, maybe someone had to speak to him about the subject and maybe someone that didn't know all about it would be better. He could see that Buffy really wanted to meet him, but it wasn't enough
"Tell me why you want to meet him, what was it about the poem?" he needed a good reason

"Well, i'll be honest, i'm not completely sure. It just affected me, drew me in. I felt something in the words. They were full of love and he words themselves were unusual and it just gave me the impression that someone special either had to have written them or have been the subject. Something tells me it was the first"

Giles looked atv her, she seemed so genuine about everything, and he had to admit it wasn't as though she wasn't willing to leave it be if that was what William wished. He thought for a few moments

"Ok" he gave in "i'll give you his address, but i want you to promise that if my son wishes not to discuss this with you or anything else then you will accept that and let it go. I do believe that my son needs to talk about it but if he says no, then please let it be"

Buffy smiled, becoming excited "I promise, if he doesn't want to talk to me then i will return the poem and leave him alone. I swear" she held up her right hand as means of giving him her word

"Very well" he opened a drawer in the desk and pulled out a small card, writing something on the back of it "here is his address. I'm trusting you Buffy to keep your promise" he said as he gave her the card

"I will, i promise i will" she stood up and headed to the door

"Thanks again Mr. Giles" she said from the door before running out.




The people in the main store looked at Buffy as she came running from the office

"Good news then Buff?" Willow joked, seeing the smile on her friend's face

"I got the address, the poet's i mean. I'll see you later" she barely stopped to say the words and she was gone before anyone had the chance to even say goodbye.





Buffy had run as fast as possible back to where she had left her car. It had taken only a few minutes because of how fast she was going. Half an hour later, she was pulling up in front of an apartment buiolding. They were respectable looking. She started wondering about what kind of person William Giles as she got closer. She got in the levator and when up the 3floors to where his apartment was. As she walked along the corridor she breathed deeply, trying to calm the rising nerves she was feeling. After so many false starts, she was finally having some luck and she seemed to have found what she had come here looking for in the first place. Stopping in front of his door, she took one last deep breath before knowcking. She stood patiently. It didn't take long before she heard someone walking around. She would hae knocked again, but she heard the footsteps coming closer to the door and decided that he must have heard her knock.


The door was thrown over just a moment later, Buffy was face to face with a very handsome man. Only a year or two older than herself. He had messy bleached blonde hair, with a bit of brown at the roots, he had very high, gorgeous cheekbones, and blue eyes. Eyes that she saw a lot of hurt and sadness in.

"Can i help you?" he asked in a deep, English accent, a lot less refined than his father

"Um yeah, my name is Buffy and i was hoping i could speak to you. Your father gave me your address" she said

He frowned a little, but shrugged "I guess, come on in" Buffy stepped inside. The house wasn't untidy but it wasn't neat. It was lived in but not a mess. She followed im to the living room, he motioned for her to sit, which she did, looking at her he said
"So"

"Um, ok, the thing is, i'm studying English Lit at UCLA and i was using a book for my final British Lit assignement and i found something in one of the books i was using that i think belongs to you" she waited for a response but got none, she reached into her back pocet and pulled out the poem holding it towards him. He took it and looked at it

"I really liked it and i saw the stuff written on the back and i kind of wanted to find you. Something about your poem got to me and i just wanted to talk to you about it"

He reacted then

"Nothing to talk about, thanks for the poem back but i don't want to talk about it" he told her in a voice that said he wouldn't compromise

"If that's what you want, but i just want you to know that i think you're a great poet and the words really affected me, i would have liked to spend time with such a great writer" she wasn't trying to change his mind, she promised she wouldn't push and she intended to stick to that. He gave her a small smile

"Thanks"

"Listen, i'm in town for a week, if you change your mind, this is my cell phone number" she handed him the card as she stood

He took it "Ok"

She smiled as he showed her to the door, "Bye" she said as she walked out

"Bye" he replied

As he shut the door Buffy walked slowly to the elevator, while he leaned against the door, looking from the card to the poem that was still in his hand. He did wnat to talk about it, but could he talk to her.


Chapter 5


Buffy felt slightly dejected as she went back to the motel to meet Tara and Willow, but she still hadn't given up hope completely, he had her number and she would ontinue to hope that he would change his mind. She was to meet Willow and Tara at 6pm, so she still had an hour, she decided to have a shower and change before meeting up with them. She went into the small room, it was quiet and Buffy jst wanted to relax for a bit, and try to put some of the events of the day to the side for a little while. She went to the bathroom and turned the dials of the shower to find the right temperature. After undressing she stepped in and allowed the hot water to wash away the unsuccess of the day.




Buffy looked at the clock on the wall when a knock came at the door, she rushed over and opened it, leaving her friends to comee in while she put the finishing touches on her make-up. Willow and Tara waited patiently just inside the door for the five minutes it took her to finish. When she was done she just went straight to the door

"Ready to go" she told them pulling it open and walking out. Willow and Tara shared a look before following her out.





The three women were once again on Main street, this time in a small diner. They were sitting at a booth, waiting fir their food to arrive. Thus far, their conversation had been meaningless, Willow and Tara unsure as to whether they should bring up the poem.

Buffy could tell they were wondering about it. She could see by the small glances they were giving each other that they didn't think she wanted to talk about it. And to be quite honest she didn't. But she also didn't want to see the wuestioning in their eyes all nigh, she sighed and decided just to start the conversation herself

"Are you going to ask or not?"
Willow feigned confusion

"Ask about what?"

"You know what" Buffy said

"Oh right that, ok, well, how did it go?" Willow finally asked

"Not great" she admitted, she could see a glimmer of boasting in the redhead's eyes, but she tried to ignore it.

"I'm sorry" Willow said.

Buffy let out a soft but humorless laugh "no you're not" she wasn't angry with Willow, she just didn't want her to pretend. She knew that Willow hadn't wanted her to come, but that didn't matter

"Buffy i-"

"No Wills, it's ok, i know you thought coming here was a bad idea but i wnated to and i'm glad that i did" she said

"Tell us what happened" Tara spoke softly

"Well, the poet is Mr. Giles' son, William. He really didn't say much, just that it was something he couldn't talk about. Didn't wan to talk about. He wasn't mean about it or anything, i could tell that he was hurt from something though when he saw the poem. But i promised his father i wouldn't push him, so i didn't. I did give him my number in case he changed his mind"

"Ok" Tara never said much, she just accepted things as they were, if it was what someone wanted

"Tell us about him, what was he like, looks wise" Willow said

Buffy laughed a little, trust Willow to ask that question
"He was good looking. Not too tall, he was kind of lean built. His face, he has the most amazing cheeekbones, i mean they are so sharp, like a lethal weapon, they should be illegal" she giggled a little at her description and so did her friends "he had bleached blonde hair and nice blue eyes. And a nice deep voice, sounds nice with his English accent" she finished

"So were you attracted to him?" Willow pushed

"I didn't think about it, he was good looking sure, but i didn't really pay attention. Maybe if i'd spent more time with him though" Willow grinned a little

"Well maybe he'll call" she said with a grin

"Maybe" Buffy agreed


A few minutes later their meals were placed in front of them and their conversation began to change direction

"So what did you two get up to today?" Buffy asked

"Oh we had a little look around town In bookstores and things, we stayed at the Magic Box for a while after you lest. Speaking with Xander, Giles and Anya. They're all really nice" Tara answered

"Yeah we had a great day" Willow agreed. Buffy smiled, glad that something had gone well for them at least, even if things hadn't gone exactly as she'd hoped for herself.

"That's good."

"Xander is really funny, he's like a real jokester. Anya is obsessed with money, and Giles is super smart and he knows so much about the magic stuff, it was so cool" Willow's voice had grown excited as she babbled on between mouthfuls of her food. "Anya and Xander are getting married in three months, she was telling us all about her dress, the bridesmaid gowns soun gorgeous. And they were telling us about all of their plans and iot just sounds so nice"

"Willow take a breath" Buffy instructed

Willow giggled "Sorry, i just had a lot of fun"

"I'm glad" Buffy told her

Tara watched her girlfriend's excitement, and felt both glad she was having fun and a little bit apprehensive. Willow loved this place already, she had said more than once since they arrived that morning that it was the kind of place she would love to live. And that worried Tara especially as Willow hadn't decided yet what she wanted to do after graduation. She may not go to Law school staright away and Tara wondered what she would do, or more specifically where she would go. But she pushed it to the back of her mind for the time being, she really didn't want to think about the what if's right now.

"So what are we all doing tomorrow?" she asked

This started a long conversation on the plans of the three for the following day. By the time they finished their meals, it had been decided taht Buffy would go along with Tara and Willow to hang at the Magic Box with Anya and Xander.





Around noon the following day, Buffy, Willow, Xander, Anya, Tara and Giles were sitting around a table that sat in the middle of the shop. They watched the door for customers but the shop had been quiet so far. Giles was asking Buffy how her meetiong had gone with his son the previous day

"Kind of like the way you said, he didn't want to talk. He said it wasnt something he wanted to discuss, for a lot of reasons" she admitted to the older man. She could tell that he knew he would react that way, he had warned her the day before but he had held out hope that maybe he would talk at least a little

"And you did as he requested, what i asked of you/" his tone was strict

"Yeah, i gave him my number in case he changed his mind, told him it was nice to meet him and that unless he called that was it" she recounted the events of the day before

"Thank You" Giles said sincerely, he knew the reasons for why his son wouldn't speak and was glad that the young woman didn't completely give up but didn't force the issue either.




William sat on the sofa holding the poem in his hand. He had read it several time since Buffy's visit, recalling all of the memories of when he had written it and the events tha had occurred since. The words had come directly from his heart, but he didn't think of them anymore. Didn't speak of ot. He eyed the card that sat on the small table in front if him. He hadn't stopped thinking of the brief conversation he had with her. He hadn't told her anything, but for some reason he still thought about it. He picked the card up and turned it over in his hands, his eyes going back and forth between it and the telephone. He knew that he should talk about it, try and let go, he just didn't know how or if he was ready.




Buffy started as the shrill sound of her cell phone ringing sounded in the small shop. All eyes looked at her as she pulled it out. From glancing at the number she could not tell who the caller was, it wasn't a number she had ever seen before. She flipped it open bringing it to her ear

"Hello" she answered the caller

"Um, hi, is that Buffy?"

She knew his voice immediately "yeah, William?"

"Yeah, um, i decided that maybe, we could talk a little. I don't know how much i'll be able to talk about, but i'll try" he told her

She smile slightly "Thank you, so um when do you want to meet?" she wanted to leave it all up to him, something just told her that this was hard for him

"Now, i guess"

"Anywhere in particular?" she asked

"Well, there's a coffee place near my dad's store. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes" he told her, he had been out trying to clear his head when he had made the decision to call, so he was close by

"Ok, what's it called?"

"The Espresso pump, turn left when you leave the magic shop, you'll find it" he said

"Ok, i'll see you soon" she promised

"Ok, bye" he hung up straight away

Buffy jumped from her seat, grabbing her purse as she went

"Gotta go" she said, she didn't give an explanation, she knew that they knew where she was going, so she just headed straight for the door, and for the coffee place. She was going to see her poet again.

Chapter 6




Buffy arrived at the coffee place within just a few minutes. Checking her watch to see how long she had until he would arrive she paced a little, keeping her eyes focused on the people walking along so that she would be able to see him coming. She looked at her watch again and noticed that he was five minutes late. She began to worry that perhaps he had changed his mind and decided that he didn't want to speak to her after all.




William watched from across the street. He saw her look repeatedly at her watch. He had saw her cming and became very nervous. He suddenly wasn't sure if he could talk to her. So he stood across the street and watched her to see if she would wait. He still had the poem with him, in his back pocket. He kept watching for another few minutes. He was more than ten minutes late now but she didn't seem like she had any intention of leaving, so he had to hand it to her, she was determined. So he made up his mind. He took a deep breath and crossed the street.



Buffy looked up again to scan the street and saw him come from across the other side of the street. She felt relieved, she was almost ready to just give up and leave. She gave him a small smile as he came up to her.

"Hi, it's nice to see you again" she said, only so that things would seem maybe a little less uncomfortable

"You too" he said, giving a curt nod to her

"So where do you want to talk in here?" she asked

He shook his head furiously "No, somewhere quiet. Not something i want to talk about with too many people around. "

"Well then where do you suggest?"

"There is another coffee place nearby, but it's quieter we can go there" without waiting for her response he began to walk further down the street, Buffy following behind him. She didn't try to speak to him on the journey, she could see how tense he was. He was obviously unsure about speaking about whatever that oem was about. But she still wanted to know so she would talk to him. She would just let him set the pace.


It didn't take long to arrive at the other coffee place. It was up a side alley, when they went in there was only a few other customers sitting around. It was a small establishment so there weren't a lot of tables

"Do you want something to drink?" William asked her

"A latte please" she requested

"Ok, i'll just be a minute. Can you get us a table" she nodded mutely and turned to find a table. She noticed on in a corner that was a little secluded. There would be plenty of privacy there so she went over and sat down. In her head she thiought of what she would like to ask William if she got the chance. There was a lot, but only a few key things. She wasn't too distracted by her thoughts so she saw him coming towards the table. She took heer drink from him, placing it in front of her. She waited until he sat down. There was an awkward silence. She tried to think of something to say which would break the ice, but there was only one thing she could think of to say

"Thank you for deciding to speak with me William"

"It's ok, but please don't call me that call me Will or Spike" he said

"Spike?" she looked confused, she could see why some people would call him will but Spike, she wasn't so sure

"An old nickname. Most people don't use it anymore but it's up to you"

"I'll stick with Will"she told him. He nodded indifferently. She didn't say anything else. That was all up to him. That meant there was another few minutes of silence.

"I don't know yet how much i'm ready to tell you" he broke the silence with that staement. It was like saying it was a rule, he only told her what he wanted, nothing else. And she could accept that. She nodded slightly to show that she was ok with that

"Start when you're ready then" she said.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the poem. Sitting it on the table. The side with the date and name on it facing upwards. He looked it over one last time before he cleared his throat and began to speak

"The date. That's the date i wrote it. I was studying at UCLA, funnily enough English Literature and creative writng. Anyway, it my second last year. There was a new TA in one of my classes, i liked her the moment i saw her. She was beautiful. Long dark hair, dark eyes and clothes. She was beautiful. I was captivated. She was English too. So anyway, i saw her, i was working on an assignment. I couldn't stop thinking about her though. So i wrote the poem. How i felt since i saw her."

He stopped for a moment, he hadn't said much, but it was more than he told anyone else, and he didn't know how much he should say. After a few minutes thought he decided that he had said this much, he may as well keep talking

"Anyway, i wrote it about her. Drusilla Kensington" he said the name and a range of emotions flashed in his eyes and his voice was thick with the same emotions "so i wrote it. I didn't know much else about her. I gave up on my work for the day. I put it in my bag and went home"

"But i found it in a book" she interrupted

"I'm getting there" he said "As i was going to say, not knowing much about her, i wanted to find it all out. She didn't really notice me and i didn't have a lot of friends so i couldn't really ask anyone. Then i was home one weekend. I was at a family friend's house and i saw her. I asked about her and they told me that her family had just moved in a couple months before. So i wrote the address on the poem later that night. I took it back with me. I spoke to her just before spring break. She said she was in a relationship and i wasn't her type. I was hurt. I didn't want to destroy the poem, so i put it in that book, because nobody ever used it. Until now apparently" he stopped then, feeling like he couldn't say anything else. He wasn't used to talking about this and the next part of the story was too personal. The real part he couldn't talk about yet.


Buffy listened intently as he told his story. She was surprised to realis that he wasn't that much older than her. Maybe a year but she had never saw him on Campus. But she didn't ask, didn't want to pry too much. he had promised herself and his father she wouldn't do that. Her heart went out to him, she knew there was more to tell, but even that little snippet showed a bit of his heart to her. It showed that he could care; no love; enough to write something so beautiful for the person. And he had clearly been hurt in some way. And as much as she wanted to know, part of her didn't. She didn't want him to have to drag it all back up again.

"I'm sorry" her voice was quiet, not completely sure of what she should say.

"Not your fault, i suppose she just had higher standards. She was magnificent. he most beautiful woman i had ever seen." he said

"Will, what are you talking about higher standards, there is nothing wrong with you" she scolded, hating to see him, or anyone speak so badly of themselves. He laughed slightly

"You don't know me Buffy. You don't know how pathetic i was. I bet that although you were at UCLA, that you have no idea if you ever saw me" his voice was never raised, just honest

"No" she admitted i never saw you before

"I saw you" he said, taking her by surprise "you were in the same department as i was. We had a couple of the same professors. I may not know anything about you or have known your name but i do remember having seen you" his voice never changed. Buffy was shocked. How coould he have saw her but shebhad never seen him. But at that moment she was too shocked, upset even to even ask why that may have been

"I'm sorry" her voice this time was barely a whisper

"Forget it. Few people saw me" she knew there was a deeper meaning there somewhere. But it was just one of the many things she didn't want to delve any further into at that point. "Well, we should get going"

"Ok" she stood "I'm going back to your father's shop that's where i was before, my friends are there waiting"

"I'll come with you" he said as he stood. Buffy didn't say anything to agree, she just waited.




Anya, Xander, Giles, Willow and Tara were still sitting around the table in the magic box. Buffy had been gone for just under two hours, and they had decided to wait for her to come back. They hadn't spoken about Buffy's sudden exit instead talking about their school days

"I remember this one time there was a halloween dance. And i decided to go as something a little bit unusual. I was supposed ton go with my friends, but something came up and Buffy couldn't make it, and then our other friend got a date at the last minute so he was with her so there was just me, on my own at the dance, dressed as an eskimo. I looked ridiculous" everyone at the table cracked up at the story

"It was so embarrassing" Willow reminisced. Tara stroked her hair lovingly

"I'm sure you looked great baby" she cooed

"Thanks, but i know i looked silly" she said.

"So what was Buffy like in high school?" Xander asked

"Kinda mysterious i guess. She didn't talk to many people, she always had something going on. She just didn't feel like she fit in. And she was always running off somwhere"

"Oh so kind of like how she is now" Anya pointed out

Willow cringed a little but she didn't want to divulge the real reason for why Buffy was always disappearing.

"Yeah what was that all about?" Xander asked

Willow, Tara and Giles shared a look. Willow shrugged

"Not sure" she lied.

Anya didn't look like she believed her, as far as she was concerned Willow was Buffy's best friend and therefore must know what was going on. Giles knew Anya didn't believe it, so he decided to explain without telling too much

"She has gone to meet my son. And do not ask why it is a private matter" he said strictly. His voice demanded obedience, making sure that he would not be questioned. However, that did not mean Anya would not voice her assumptions

"Oh, so your son is her orgasm buddy. That was quick. Giles flinched. That was not something he had any desire to speak with to Anya about anyone at any time. But he wanted to speak about it even less when his son was the subject.

"Anya. Please be quiet" he orderd quietly.

Anya pouted, it wasn't her fault that is what it seemed to be. Or more accurately, that for her that's excatly what it would have been. She didn't get to bring the subjecty up again though as right the Buffy and Will came into the store.



Giles smiled when he saw his son. He didn't visit the shop very often and Anya and Xander had only met him a few times. The two came over to join the group at the table. There was nobody in the shop so nobody was paying much attention to what was going on.

"Hello Buffy, Will good to see you" he greeted cheerfully.

"Hi dad" Will returned

"Hey Giles" Buffy smiled

"Did you two have a nice chat?" Giles inquired

"Yeah it was fine" William said

"Good i'm glad"

Willow and Tara stood a mioment later

"Hi i'm Willow and this is Tara" Willow motioned between them

"William" he introduced themself shaking each of their hand in turn.

"Nice to meet you" Tara said "Sorry to have to run, but Willow wants to go see something before the place closes. It was nice metting you"

"Nice meeting you too" he replied

Willow turned to Buffy

"You going to come with?"

"No, but i am going in a minute though. I want to graba shower and maybe a nap before we go out for dinner later" she informed them

"Ok, we'll meet you back at the motel" Willow then grabbed Tara's hand and they almost ran for the door.

"Well, looks like my popularity has risen. They actually stuck around an entire 3 minutes after i came in" William said looking somewhat sad. Buffy became annoyed, but not at him, at whatever had made him feel so unworthy and basically not good enough. And she vowed right then that she was going to find out what it was.

"William, do you want to meet again tomorrow? You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to but we can spend some time together and if you think you can tell me anymore then you can" she said

"I don't want pity" he ground out feeling embarrassed

"And you're not getting any" she said "I told you why i wanted to speak to you the first time. Now i want to spend some time with you, It's up to you if you tell me anymore"

He looked wary of what she was saying, he didn't know if he could trust her words. She held her breath hoping he would accept her offer, because she had a plan on getting him to open up and getting to the bottom of everything. Finally and reluctantly he nodded

"Ok"

"Good" she smiled "meet me same place tomorrow, say 11:30"

She waited for him to agree

"Yeah" he said

"Ok" she smiled again "i'll see you tomorrow. Now i really do have to go for that nap. Bye everyone"

She walked to the door and turned around smiling again

"Bye... Spike" she noticed something flash in his eyes. Just for a second he looked a little bit happier.


Chapter 7



Buffy had spent last night the same way as the Sunday night and her first meeting with William. Giving her friends vague details of the meeting without going into any details, or telling them anything of what he had told her knowing that he would want to keep it all private. They had went to dinner, afterwards, Buffy had gone back to the motel while Tara and Willow went on to a club where they were going to meet Anya and Xander. Of course, Buffy was invited, but she had declined, preferring to have an early night and get ready to meet William the next day.




So, now it was 11am and she was due to meet Willaim in 30minutes, and she was running late. She had overslept; not having gotten to sleep until around 3am; everything that had happened during the day running through her head. She could still see the hurt look on his face when Willow and Tara had run from the shop. She had wanted to say something to them about it but refrained from doing so because she knew William wuld be upset. She looked in the mirror as she hurriedly pulled her hair back. She had finished her make-up, and was dressed. She gave herself a once over just make sure she looked okay, brfore grabbing her car keys from the dresser and running for the door.



William paced up and down in front of the Espresso Pump, looking for any sign of Buffy. He looked at his watch. She was late, he had thought she would be on time as she had been early the day before. For some reason he was nervous. It wasn't the kind of nervous you get when you have a crush on someone; more nervous in the sense of being afraid that like other people she no longer wanted to spend time with him. And he also worried about what they would talk about all day. He looked at his watch again. Ten minutes late.


Buffy parked her car and got out. After quickly locking it, she looked at her watch seeing she was late. She was a little bit away from the Espresso pump. She sped up to a slight jog to try and get there quicker. When the coffee shop came into view she could see William pacing outside. She ran a bit faster and slowed down when she was only a few feet away, calling out to him

"William" he looked up and she saw that he looked quite relieved, when she approached him, she stood for a moment to catch her breath before offering an explanation for why she was late "Sorry, i overslept, didn't sleep too well. And anyway i guess we're even now"

He looked confused for a moment until he realised she as referring to his being late the day before "Oh, yeah, i suppose it does"

"So did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to go today?" she asked him, given that she wasn't from Sunnydale she didn't exactly know what there was to do

"Not sure, we could go to the park or something" he suggested. He hadn't livedin Sunnydale for too long. Only a year, and in that time he hadn't exactly become acquainted with what there was to do.

"Do you have like a carnival or something?" she asked. she had always liked the carnival, ever since she was a kid and she figure they could have some fun.

"Not yet, but their is some fairground rides and some shows on the pier, the actual big carnival isn't here until the summer"he answered

"Ok, well why don't we go down to the pier and see what's open" she suggested as they made their way back in the direction of her car, she had decided that it was quicker and probably better to take the car down to the pier with them. So she drove them soen. The short drive being made in silence. It was neither awkward or comfortable; it simply was.




Tara and Willow walked along the quiet street. It was a street of houses, they decided to take a detour on their way to main street to go to the Magic Box. Willow loved the houses. They looked quite big but very homey too. It was the kind of houses that Willow had always wanted to live in, the kind of house you could really call a home. She had grown to love the small town in the little amount of time she had been there. She kept finding things to love. It was small and quiet but the people were nice and there was a few things to do. There were some nice shops and unlike the ones in LA the people who worked in them had time to stop and speak to the customers. Something about the place just drew Willow in, and she couldn't help but think of it as similar to how William's poem had drawn Buffy in.

"Tara, what do you think of this place?" Willow asked suddenly

"It's nice, the people are friendly, and i could see myself living here one day. Just not for a long time; maybe when my career was up and running" Tara said. She didn't notice the dejected look on Willow's face

"oh" she responded softly. She didn't carry the conversation on any longer.




Buffy took the two corn dogs from the vendor handing one to Spike as she had taken to calling him. He seemed to like it. And she wanted to talk to him about everything surrounding the name eventually when he was ready. He took his from her and they walked a little ways down the pier; they saw a bench and took a seat.

"So, we haven't talked very much" she observed "and we don't have to talk about your poem. We can talk about other stuff"

"Ok" he had known they would have to talk about something eventually, he just didn't know what.

"So, let's start from the beginning. I guess family's always a good place to start" she said turning to him. He took a bite of his corn dog, looking worried at the mention of family.

"I'll start. I have a sister named Dawn who is 17 and in high school obviously. She still lives with my mom in LA. She's a bot of a pain sometimes but i love her" she told him. She waited for him to say something, he looked a little like he didn't know what to say. Finally he started to talk

"I don't have any siblings. There's just my father and i" he told her. She noticed how his manner of speaking often changed. The way he often spoke didn't fit with the way he looked. But he was well spoken and seemed to like words a lot. She had only heard him talk about certain things but since they had arrived at the pier she noticed he seemed to look for the perfect word for everything.

"That's a shame. What about your mom?" he visibly flinched at the question and she couldn't help but wonder why. She was about to find out

"My mother died, when i was fourteen" he said softly, sadness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry" she said. He looked at her and mistook the look in her eye and it made him angry. He didn't like pity at any time, but he liked it even less when it cme to the loss of his mother. In his view pity was patronizing and he hated it. He stood up abruptly, his voice on this occassion better suiting his look

"Look, i told you not to bloody pity me ok. I don't want it. Just because you have the perfect fucking life doesn't mean we all do. My mother is gone, yeah, she is. I don't like it but i live with it. You have no idea how i feel so don't pity me, and do not patronize me by pitying me" he was red faced, his anger evident. He looked at Buffy and saw the hurt look on her face but he couldn't care at that moment. Suddenly she was just as angry as he was

"You know what, i'm just trying to get to know you. I'm not pitying you. And another thing you are wrong when you say i don't jknow what you're going through. My life isn't perfect. My father died when i was 15 years old. I saw him fade away, until all that was left is a body. I don't pity you William, but you are so caught up in the past and people who didn't care that you don't take the time to get to know people and let them have a chance to care" by the time she had finished tears were stinging in her eyes. She didn't usually talk about her father as the pain was still quite raw, but he had just annoyed her so much. She grabbed her bag from the bench and began to walk away. She got only a few feet before she heard his quiet voice

"I'm sorry"

She turned back to him, looking at him. He looked vulnerable. She hadn't seen him look this way before. She had saw him look hurt and a range of emotions which were all confused. But she hadn't seen this. She walked back to him

"It's ok. I'm sorry too" she replied "come on let's go ride the ferris wheel"

She walked in the direction of the ride just waiting for him to follow.



As the ride moved William tried to think of how he could restart the conversation. He did feel guilty for yelling earlier, especially now that he knew about her father. He decided maybe they should talk about something they had in common

"She died in child birth" he said

Buffy was a little surprised to hear him speak, and immensely saddened by his words. Now she knew why he had been so reluctant to speak of the subject earlier. She couldn't bring herself to say anything and so just waited to see if he would say anything else

"She hadn't been well during her pregnancy. When she was into labour her blood pressure went through the roof and the baby went into distress. They rushed her for an emergency c-section. But they couldn't save her or the baby" his voice was strained, it hurt to talk about. Thr ride stopped on the grouind and he jumped out, glad that he didn't have to sit and wait for her reaction. After wandering for a few minutes saying nothing Buffy suggested the go walk on the beach where there were less people around.


"My dad had cancer" she told him, deciding that he had confided his story in her and so she should do the same. They kept walking as she told him "I was 13 when they first found out. It was a brain tumor. They operated and we thought he was okay. But it came back a few months later. This time it was bigger and inoperable at that point. So they started on chemotherapy, hoping to shrink it enough that maybe they could operate then. That went on for 6months. It didn't get any smaller there was nothing else they could do. They would keep up the chemo for a while and see if they could prolong his life. It had been almost a year and there were only a few weeks until i turned 14. So they told him one day at the hospital, the chemo wasn't helping, so they stopped it. They said he only had a month or two left. I had saw hinm getting worse. After the chemo stopped, it was awful. He was even more ill. By my birthday he could barely get out of bed. He had given my mom money to buy the gift he wanted to give me. He had called the store to arrange it all, mom just had to pick it up and pay for it. He was there that day he gave me the gift, Ate a tiny bit of cake and then went to bed. He died that ight" a tear slid down her cheek. She had told only a few people of the whole story of her father's death.


William looked at her and saw her cry, instinctively he pulled her into a hug and held her close. He could feel her pain at losing a parent. The pain was the same however it happened.


Buffy cried into his shirt for about five minutes. When she had calmed a little she pulled away, wiping at her face
"Sorry" she apologised, seeing the wet mark on his shirt

"Don't worry about it" he said, reassuring her that he didn't mind "you needed to get it out, sometimes you need to talk to someone about the things that hurt you"

She looked at him,

"Maybe you should listen to your own words" she advised. Quiet overcame them again, as they started walking down the beach once more.



Chapter 8





Buffy and Spike had parted ways not long after the talk on the beach, but had agreed to have dinner together that night. Buffy had felt a mix of emotions after telling him about her dad. Mostly because, it was not something she liked to talk about. But she had to amit it was good to talk about it instead of keeping it bottled up. Also, it was nice to have told

someone who knew what it was like to lose a parent. Even if they hadn't really discussed anything more than what had actually happened.


Spike felt very similar to Buffy. He had never spoken about his mother's death to anyone except his father. He felt guilty for what he said to Buffy before she had told him about her own dad. He hadn't admitted it to her, but he had felt more comfortable around her knowing that she had some idea how he felt, and that they had something in common. Even if it was such a horrible thing.


Now, an hour before they were to meet again, both were in the middle of getting ready. Buffy wasn't completely sure what she should wear. It wasn't a date, and she didn't know where they were going, so she didn't want to dress up too much. But she still wanted to look nice. She looked through the clothes she had brought and finally picked something. Gliimpsing at the clock, she ran to the bathroom to change.


Spike was not having the same problem. He was dressed already; now he was fixing his hair quickly which took only a few minutes. He looked at his watch. Twenty minutes before he had to leave, time to watch some tv.


Buffy appraised her appearance in the mirror. She wore a long black skirt, and knee high boots. The skirt flared a bit at the bottom. Her top was a white Surplice-wrap top with crinkled georgette handkerchief sleeves. It was simple, but looked good. Her make-up was done after she applied some gloss. Looking in the mirror one last time she decided to stop in and see Tara and Willow before she left.

Tara and Willow sat on the small couch in their room. They hadn't really talked anymore about what either of them thought of Sunnydale. Mostly because, Willow had gone out for a while with Xander who had the week off from work, while Tara stayed to help Anya in the shop. Having spent the day with Xander she had gotten to know him and really liked him. Not ina boyfriend kind of way, but a good friend kind of way. And she had groen to like the town even more. As the sat in silence she thought back to what she had talked to Xander about


"Xander, what would you say if i said i wanted to move here after graduation?" Xander looked at her like the question had come from no-where, but in fact she had been thinking about it since they had got there.

"I'd say it sounds cool. But what does Tara say?" he was being diplomatic, he had to be, because there were two people involved in the decision

"Well she said she could see herself living here" Xander smiled, thinking then that she had her answer but she continued "but not ontil way in the future, when her career is up and running. She doesn't know i'd like to move here now"
"Willow, i like you and Tara, and i think it would be great having you guys around here. But you have to talk to her about it, she's involved" Willow nodded, acknowledging that he was right. She just didn't know how to broach tha subject.

Back in the motel room Willow looked at Tara, and shifted in her seat, thinking it probably best to talk about it sooner, rather than later.

"Tara, sweetie" she started

"Yeah"

"I wanted to-" she was cut off by a knock at the door. She hung her head as Tara got up to answer the door.

Buffy smiled when Tara answered "Hey guys" she greeted, walking into the room
"Hi Buff" Willow said, trying to act cheerful "Going somewhere?"

"Dinner with William" she answered. Willow looked at her shock on her face, she hadn't expected that. Buffy could tell what was running through her friend's head and decided to end those thoughts straight away

"It's not a date Willow. We just agreed to spend some time together so he feels comfortable with me, if he's going to tell me anymore about the poem"

"Oh, you just look like you're going on a date" Willow pointed out. Buffy became panicked

"Oh god, i didn't wanna look like i was going on a date"

"You look fine Buffy, really nice" Tara said coming to stand beside her and reassure her

"You sure?"

"Yes" Tara said again

"Ok, well i just wanted to say hey before i went, so i'll see you guys later. Have a nice night" she said as she went to let herself back out. Willow and Tara said their goodbyes and then Tara turned back to Willow

"So what were you going to say before Buffy came in?" Tara asked
Willow opened her mouth to start but changed her mind "Doesn't matter"




Spike was once again waiting outside of the Espresso pump. Apparently this was their meeting place.He was early this time, nothing good on television, so he just left. He was standing against the wall, and only a few moments later he saw her coming towards him. He noticed that she looked really beautiul.

She smiled at him when he walked over to meet her. He looked good, wearing a pair of black dress pants and midnight blue shirt. It really brought out his eyes. His hair was also slicked back a little but some curls loose at the back.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked
"I don't know, you know more places around here than i do"

"ok. Let's go" he had an idea where to take her.

It was a clear night and the restaurant, like everywhere else wasn't very far away. It took them maybe 15 minutes to get there. He held the door open for her. After they were seated and given their menu's Buffy opened hers and looked at the different food on the menu.
"It's all English food, just in case you didn't notice" he smiled a little

"Cool although i have very little idea what any of this is. So do you want to suggest something?" she smiled sweetly at him. She had heard of some of the things on the menu, just didn't know what was in them

"I suggest the roast dinner" he said

"What's in it?"

"Roast beef, mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, vegetables, yorkshire pudding and gravy. It's good, it's what i always have here" he told her

"Ok, sounds good. I'll try that" she sat her menu down and the waiter came. Spike told him their order, and asked for a bottle of white wine to go with it.

When the waiter left an awkward silence descended over them. But Spike looked at it as an opportunity to do what he felt he had to do

"I'm sorry, about what i said on the pier today. I know i said sorry then but i just want to say it again. I didn't realise when i said it and i really didn't mean it" he apologised

"Forget it Spike, it doesn't matter, i said some horrible things too, and i'm sorry. But let's just forget it ok?"


"Ok" he agreed

They fell into polite conversation until their food arrived. When she saw her meal she thought it looked nice. Not the kind of things she was used to but nice anyway. And she wasn't disappointed when she took a bite.

"This is really good" she said between mouthfuls

"Yeah. It's my favourite" he told her

"since when?"

"My mum, she used to make it every Sunday for dinner before she died. She made the best Roast dinners, we always looked forward to Sunday's so that we could have it" he confided. Unlike earlier in the day he didn't feel so uncomfortable opening up to her on this particular subject. It wasn't much to say, but it was still something personal.

"In our house, it was more pizza every friday night. My dad wasn't a big cook" she laughed a little at the memory "so every friday night after work he brought home a huge pepperoni pizza. It was like tradition, we would gorge ourselves on pizza and watch tyv or a movie. It was great" they both smile, liking the feeling of remembering family traditions that had meant so much to them.

There was silence for another few minutes, but it was now a comfortable silence. And Buffy had the urge to question him, about the poem. Feeling that if he could open up to her about his mother then maybe he would open up about that.

Spike looked across at Buffy. Somehow he knew what she was thinking. And he decided he may as well just get on with it
"What do you want to know?" he asked

"What do you mean?" she played dumb, not wanting to make him uncomfortable now, not when they finally felt a little at ease together

"About the poem? I know you're thinking it, so just ask" he ordered

"Well, i just want to know what happened in general. With Drusilla, the poem everything" it was the truth, and as her father had taught her. Honesty was always the best policy

"Ok, well as you probably guessed, i spoke to her about two years ago now. And i wasn't her type. She was in a relationship so i didn't bother trying to be her type. Didn't speak to her again for a few weeks, and then we were both home the same weekend. I saw her one night, she was sitting on the curb of a street crying. Her boyfriend had broken up with her. I felt compelled to try and help her. So i went over and talked to her. She saw me as someone who wanted her, would do anything for her. So that night she took me home. She rode me like her life depended on it. I was a virgin, so i let her take the lead and use me whatever way she wanted. We went back to school and she didn't pay attention to me, got back with her ex. I was heartbroken"
Buffy was appalled, she didn't know how someone could treat a person so bad. She had a feeling there was more to come. But somehow she knew that was all he was ready to tell her for now. And that was ok. She had all week.

"Well, her loss" she said, trying to lightenb the situation a bit

"Yeah. Funny how she's just like everyone else. Can't wait to be away from me. God even your friends couldn't wait to get away" again Buffy saw the flash of hurt in her eyes. She would have to have a word with Willow and Tara.

"Spike,i-"

"Why do you call me that. People stopped calling me that. I wasn't special enough for a nickname" he cut in.

"Yes you are" she reassured him, instinctively laying a hand over his "you are special. Special enough that i wanna call you Spike" her words brought a smile to her face; making her smile too.
The rest of he night was just general conversation, bt it felt good. They found they enjoyed each other's company. They also agreed to meet again the next afternoon. Buffy was happy, she was getting somewhere. And she kinda liked Spike too.


Chapter 9



On Tuesday morning when Buffy awoke Spike popped into her mind. She had been thinking of him a lot since the previous night. She he felt some sort of connection to him. It had felt really good when he opened up a bit more. He still was keeping things a little guarded but it was a start. Giles had told her that he didn't speak about what had happened, and it felt nice to think that she was the one he was beginning to talk to about it. And there was no denying that he was good looking; the man was was gorgeous, he had amazing eyes and they showed so much expression. She had time before she met him at noon, but she wated to stop by the Magic Box and see Xander and the others for a while, she had a funny feeling that they would all be there again. But first she was going to have a bath.



Willow and Xander stood huddled in the corner while Tara once again helped Anya behind the register. Xander was asking how her conversation had gone with Tara about wanting to move to Sunnydale

"I didn't tell her" Willow admitted almost sadly "i was going to but then Buffy came in and i lost my nerve"

"She needs to be told Willoaw" Xander insisted

"I know, but i'm scared. I love Tara so much, but i really like it here. I just don't know how to tell her"
Xander put a comforting arm around her
"You just have to be honest. Honesty is the best policy."

"Yeah, i guess" Willow reluctantly agreed "i'll talk to her later"

"Ok, but seeing as Tara is helping out here today, you wanna go do something. Go to the pier and have some fun at the shows?" he gave her a cheeky smile, knowing it never failed to persuade

"Ok. Sounds fun"


The bell above the door rang signalling Buffy's entrance
"Hey guys" she called out, as she walked further into the store, tking a seat at the table that was set up there

"Hey Buffy" Willow greeted her friend

"Hey Buff, where you been the past day or so?" Xander asked as he and Willow came to sit beside her at the table.

"Sorry Xan, been kinda busy. Hanging with Will" she told him

"So, you'd rather hang with the hot guy huh?" he said, holding a hand over his heart and pretending to be hurt

"Yup" she said smilng, popping the 'p'

"Fine. But i'm keeping Willow" he said, mocking a child's voice as the two bantered playfully.

The three chatted happily for a while, throwing in some playfullness every now and then. Willow felt happy. She really liked Xander he was a great guy. Buffy shared that opinion, she had no doubt that he would be a great friend.

"So what are you doing today?" Xander asked, directuing the question at Buffy, obviously knowing already what Willow was doing

"Meeting Will" she said. She wasn't giving details. For two reasons 1: because she wasn't sure herslf; 2: because she didn't feel they needed to know "What about you guys?"

"Going to the shows on the pier" Willow filled her in, looking quite excited

"We were there yesterday. It' s pretty cool" she looked at her watch, time to meet Spike "Well i have to go, have fun you two. Bye Tara, bye Anya" she called over her shoulder as she headed for the door.



Buffy and Spike reached the Espresso pump just about the same time. The greeted each other with a quick hey, and then started discussing what they would do that day.

"You wanna grab a coffee to go and the we can decide as we walk?" she asked, already making her way to the counter

"sure"

"What do you want?" she asked him as she took her place in line

"Cappuccino" he requested

"Ok, wait for me over there" she instructed pointing to a counter near the door.

She ordered his drink and he own iced latte and took them from the girl at the counter. After thanking her she made her way back to Spike. She handed his drink and they left the coffee shop walking down the street.

"So what are we ging to do then?" he asked her

"Well, i was hoping maybe we could stop by a book store so i could pick up some things for my final essay for British Literature"
Spike looked uncertain for a moment as a thought occurred to him. He just wasn't sure if it qwas something he really wanted to do or not. It would involve going to his apartment and he didn't know if he wanted her there. It would be like letting her get close. He didn't realise for a few moments that she was still talking.

"So, i really wanna get the essay done soon" she finished
Spike shook his head and pretended to have heard everything she had said

"Yeah. Look do you want some help. I still have some books that might be of help" he offered
Buffy smiled, looking grateful

"really?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's go" he changed the diredtion they were walking in, cutting across the street and turning left as he led her to his place.



Willow laughed as Xander handed the big teddy bear he had just won for

"For the lady" he made a big show of presenting it to her with a bow.
She took it from hom,. giggling as she did so and curtseyed slightly

"Thank you, kind sir" teh two laughed together. They were having a great time. They told stories of their childhood, and got to know each other. They were having a blast. They ahd been on the rides and played on a lot of the shows. It was like being a teenager again. Doing all the stuff they loved to do when they were in high school. It was brilliant.



Buffy closed yet another book. She and Spike had been through loads, he had alot of good books and she had gotten a lot of good information from them.

"Where did you get all of these?" she couldn't help but ask

"Bought them when i was still at college"

"Did you have a similar final essay question?" she asked next
Spike tried to avoid the question by just ignoring it, but she kept looking at him. Waiting for an answer.

"No"

"Oh, then why all the books on British literature?"
"Because i was supposed to take the class" he told her

"Supposed to?" she sounded confused

"I didn't finish college" he finally ground out
Buffy's eyes widened, suddenly realizing why he hadn't answered her question straight away

"Oh"

"Look can we just forget it. You can have the books" he said, anything just to put an end to the conversation.

"Thanks"


The same awkward silence that had not been an issue since they had started really talking the day before started to settle over them again. Buffy didn't like it; neither did Spike. He disliked the fact that just when he started to feel comfortable around someone something ruined it. He decided maybe the best way to fix that would be to tell he more about Dru.

" I saw Dru again when we came home for the summer. She was at the Bronze, it wasn't a place i usually went but i decided to check it out one night. She spotted me. Turned out her boyfriend dumped her again. Guess what happened that night. Anyway, it went a little bit differently from last time. She spent the best part of the summer with me. Moulding me into the kind of guy she wanted. She was magnificent, that was how i saw her. So i let her. I wanted to change if it meant she would love me. I wanted to be what she wanted me to be, so that i could have her, so that she would stay mine. I could never find a word perfect enough to describe her. She was my dark beauty. She was perfection. At least i thought she was. She changed my clothes, my hair. She wanted a bad boy. A guy that would fit with her look. And we looked good together. People always looked when we entered a room. It was dark and light, we made quite a pair. Her hair as dark as the night, and mine as light as the morning. Black and white, yin and yang. We were the perfect balance. Or at kleast it seemed that way on the outside."

He took a moment to think of how to put what he wanted to say next. There was still some things he didn't want to tell he yet, so he had to think about how to reveal some things without revealing other clodely related events.

Buffy was stunned, the words were truly those of a poet. She couldn't tear her eyes from him as he spoke. And she was waiting patiently on the edge of her seat for him to say more

"So, we were together for the summer. She was always in charge. I followed her, she was like a queen, everyone followed her. The things she used to do to me would make a porn star blush. Honestly not the kinda things i would have ever thought about doing, but i was in love, more than in love. I was hypnotised by her. She had a hold over me, and i didn't want her to let it go. Then just before the end of the summer she told me it was over. No reason why. She said it was over and then she was gone" he completed the story and let out a shaky breath. He was disbelieving of how much he had told her. It wasn't because he had feelings for her though he knew that. Fir him it was more just because he knew he wanted to talk to someone, and she wanted to know. She wanted to know the details of the poem and what inspired it. So he could vent, without having to get attached.

Buffy didn't say anything when he finished. They sat in silence for a while, befire starting to look through the books again.

Chapter 10


Buffy walked straight into Willow and Tara's room at 11:30 on Wednesday morning, expecting them to be ready to go. They had agreed to spend some of the day together before she met Spike. However, the sight which greeted her, was not that which she expected

"Willow" she yelped when she opened the door, her hand covering her mouth in shock. Willow jumped and looked at her sheepishly

"I can explain" she started, but Buffy was pacing the room "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my"
Willow grabbed hold of her arm, holding a sheet around herself with the other hand

"Buffy calm dwn"

"Calm down, Willow i just found you in bed with someone other than your gorlfriend. Not just someone els e a guy, a guy who is Xander" she exclaimed. Willow looked guilty now

"I know, i'm sorry, Buffy but-"

"Where is Tara?" Buffy asked, wondering why excatly the other girl wasn't in her room

"She and Anya had a girl's night out last night. She stayed with Anya"

"Yeah, but i have a feeling Anya will still be wondering where Xander is" Buffy couldn't bring hersef to taljk to him directly yet, she was too weirded out

"Look Buffy, can we explain?" Willow asked

"I suppose" Buffy answered taking a seat on the room's small couch, waiting for them to explain their actions

"Buffy, things have been strange this week. Tara and i just haven't had the same ideas about this place. I've been thinking i wanna move here after graduation and take that year out. Ibrought it up with Tara but before i got into any detail she said she'd love to live here but not until way in the future. She wants her career first. But Buffy i like it here, i feel drawn to this place"

"And what, you were drawn to Xander's penis too?" she asked sarcastically "Willow you are in a relationship, more importantly, you're GAY" Buffy made sure to put the emphasis on the last word

"Look Buffy, i just know Xander and i got on well, i like him and i'm attracted to him. So i like men and women, big dea, i'm not the first person. I don't know what i'm going to do, but please don't tell Tara" Willow begged. Buffy felt annoyed that she was being dragged into this and being asked to keep the secret from one of her best friends. And now that Willow had explained her actionsm, it was Xander's turn. She looked at him.

"What about you?"

"Buff, i don't know what to tell you except similar to Willow about just liking being with her and being attracted to her. I love Anya i do, but i don't know if that's enough any more. I don't know if i'm still in love with her" he sighed.

Buffy looked them over, cringing a little at the act they were both still naked

"I don't know what i'm going to do. I won't promise not to tell her because i just don't know if i could keep that promise. But i can't deal with this at the moment. I have to go"

Buffy left, leaving Willow and Xander looking at each other guiltily.



Spike was disturbed from his sleep with a knocking at his door. He tried to ignore it but it didn't go away. He dragged himself out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans, and went to answer the door. He threw it open and saw Buffy standing there. He looked at her, they weren't supposed to meet until later that afternoon

"What you doin' here?" he mumbled

"Well, i had a change of plans, so i thought we could do something" it wasn't exactly a lie. It just wasn't the whole truth.
Spike couldn't say he was particularly happy at being woken because Buffy was having a cahnge of plans. The way he saw it, he was meeting her, that was what she wanted, didn't give her the right to just turn up on his doorstep. But, he held back the annoyed comment because she looked a little upset.

"Ok i guess, come in" he stood aside and let her enter, he closed the door and led her to the living room. He told her to sit down and then went to put some clothes on.


Buffy sat patiently on the couch. She couln't explain why she had come to Spike's. Actually that was a lie, she knew exactly why she had ended up there. It was because she was beginning to develop feelings for him. She was not going to tell him that of course; he was making certain to keep himself closed off even when he was telling her very personal things. So she would keep spending time with him, but keep her feelings to herself. Spike came back about 20minutes later, obviously having been in a shower because his hair was wet. And he was dressed in his usual attire, black jeans and black t-shirt. He took a seat on the other chair

"So what we gonna do today then, pet?" he asked, and then cursed himself for the slip of the tongue. He didn't use that phrase anymore. He wasn't that person now

"It's up to you" Buffy honestly didn't care, she just wanted to be around him today. Spike smirked a little, and decided he had divulged enough of his deep dark secret to her for the moment

"Time for you to tell me something about you, i think" he decided "i have told you all about Drusilla, so it's your turn to tell me something" He sat back ion his seat and waited. He wasn't going to be the only one revealing secrets. Only fair that she should too.


Buffy was mortified; she had no clue what to tell him. Should it be a bout a past relationship, school. She decided with what he had told her the past few days, it should be a relationship thing. Now all she had to do was pick one of her many disasters to tell him about

"Ok, i was seeing this guy, Ben. He was really cool. He was a doctor, nice upstanding citizen. We dated for a few months. The sex was nothing fantastic, but it was ok. We had fun together and he was a great guy, at least he seemed to be. Anyway, we are on date one night and we were having fun. But all of a sudden he said he had to go home. I was worried. After a hour or so, when he left, i decided to go talk to him because i didn't know if he just wanted to stop seeing me and just didn't have the guts to tell me. Anyway, there was no answer at the door but it was open so i went in. I go into the living room and there's Ben. In a red silk dress and high heels." She was going to say more, but the sound o Spike's laughing cut her off. "Hey" she exclaimed indignantly, insulted that he found the situation so funny.


Spike was hunched over in his seat clutching his sides and laughing hard. It wasn't that it was a funny situation for her to have been in, he just couldn't help himself, he could just see her expression when she saw it and it made him laugh. When he heard her yell at him, he made an effort to stop

"Sorry" he said, a little breathless fronm laughing

"It's not funny" she pouted

"No, it's not" he agreed, shaking his head, but still failing to completely with-hold his laughter. This got to Buffy

"Look maybe you find it funny, but it hurt me ok. I cared about the guy and he hurt me. Maybe you don't think it's as hutful as what your precious Drusilla did, but that still hurt me"

That sobered him up. He was both sorry and angry. He realized that he had upset her; but he was angry that she had said what she did about Drusilla

"Look you don't know what happened with Drusilla" he yelled

"Because you won't tell me. I told you my whole story so why don't you finish yours" she screamed back.

Fine" he ground out through clenched teeth

"Good get talking" Buffy ordered sitting back down, pike doing the same a moment later. Taking a minute to gather his thoughts. He moved over to sit by her on the couch, making it easier to talk to her. Not having to say the words too loudly, he took a few deep breaths before beginning the final part of his story.

"This part isn't that long" he warned. She shrugged, she just wanted to know "Ok, i told you that she told me we were over and then she was gone. Well she did leave me a going away gift. Well not so much as left me a gift as left me wih nothing. Drusilla had disappeared, i still don't know where to. But wherever she is i know how she got there. She had been gone a week and school was about to start. I hadn't been staying with dad since she left, i stayed in my car, because i needed to be alone. Anyway it was time for school, and i was supposed to take my final tuition payment. I had my money for books and all that stuff. I went to the bank to get it from the cash machine. I brought my balance up after it told me twice that i didn't hav enopugh to cover the withdrawl. I knew that was wrong because i never touched that money. Anyway, i brought up my balance and i almost collapsed when i saw the total on the screen. I had a balance of $150. About $15,000 less than there should have been. I took a staement and it appeared money had been taken out steadily for about three months. Since two weeks after i started seeing Dru. She knew i had that money in the bank. It was money that had actually been my mother's inheritance from her parents and grandparents. And she left it to me, because she was using it as my college fund. And hopefully having some left over so that i could travel a bit, go back to England one day maybe. But it was all gone.


I didn't know how she had found out my pin nu,ber to get the money. I went back to dad's and i searched my room. I found a note under my pillow

Thank you sweet William, i shall have a wonderful time with the money. But don't worry i left you some spending Money. Love Dru. She took it all. She also had a p.s telling me that she had found an old bank statement which had the number on it. So i told dad. He couldn't afford to put me through the year. He had just invested everything in the Magic Box, and it was too late for student loans. So i couldn't finish college. She wiped me out" he wanted to cry by the time he finished, but he held the tears back, refusing to cry in front of Buffy.

Buffy on the other hand didn't try to hide the emotions she was feeling, anger and disgust coursed thriugh her
"That bitch" she yelled "how could anyone be so evil? She seriously need her ass kicked"

"It doesn't matter now" Spike insisted

"Spike, it does matter. She ruined your life. She took something from you. And it's not just the money, she took your education from you, she took the thing that your mother wanted you to have away. Because you loved her and she used that love against you"

Spike looked at her; he couldn't figure out why she cared. But for some reason she did, and he wasn't used to it. But he liked the feeling. Without really stopping to think what he was doing he reached out and grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her to him, and smashing her mouth to his.


Chapter 11



Spike breath came in pants as he rolled off Buffy and lay on his back on the bed. He looked over at her laying next to him and his head was screaming at him 'what have you done you idiot? you don't even like her'. It was the truth, he didn't have feelings for her, at least he didn't think so. And he had no desire to find out. He stood up and picked his jeans up from the floor.


Buffy watched as he quickly put his clothes back on. She didn't think sleeping with him had ben the most sensible thing to do at this point, but she had feelings for him so she wouldn't drive herself cdrazy regretting it. She would just let it be; see where it led. She watched him, when he was done he turned to look at her, scowling at her he picked up her clothes and sat them on the bed

"I think you should get dressed and go" he told her as he turned and left the room.

Buffy sat stunned in bed, looking at the clothes beside her and then at the door that Spike had just walked through. She felt hurt. Tears threatened to spill, but she forced them back. She would cry, but not here, he wouldn't see her cry. She got out of bed and dressed hurriedly. She didn't stop to say anything for him, she ran from the apartment and to her car.




Xander and Willow were sneaking glances at each other from their places in the Magic Box. Xander was over by the cash register with Anya, while Willow was looking at some spell books with Tara. After Buffy had left that morning the guilt had set in about what they had doen. As soon as Buffy was gone, they dressed and went to the shop. They hadn't actually spoken a word to each other since they saw Buffy the trip to the shop was made in silence and they had stayed away from each other at the shop all that day. Anya and Tara had a few whispered discussions about it, as they had seemed close before, however, the just assumed they had an argument or something and left it to them to sort out themselves. But both were finding it difficult to do so, and decided to broach the subject with their significan other

"Willow seetie, did something happen with you and Xander?"

Willow jumped at the sound of Tara's voice and her eyes almost bugged out of her head at the question

"Wh, what do you me, mean. Nothing, Nothing happened" Willow spluttered out

Tara rubbed her back soothingly
"I just meant did you have an argument. Because you two normally talk all the time" Tara explained, wondering why Willow was so jumpy, but putting it down to the fact that she was upset.

"Oh, um, we had a minor disagreement. Nothing big, we're fine" Willow said. Luckily Tara let the conversation drop at that. But Xander wasn't having the same luck.


"What were you arguing about?" Anya pushed, wanting as much information as possible.

"Anya, it doesn't matter. It wasn't anything important" he was becoming impatient, and worried because he didn't know what to tell her

"Xander i wann a know" she insisted

"Anya leave it" he snapped
Anya looked at him and pouted "fine" she mumbled moodily, walking away from him, she turned her back to him and began fidgeting with things on a shelf. While Xander sighed as he skulked away to sit down.



Buffy stood in the shower scrubbing at her skin. As soon as she stepped inside, her tears began to fall. Memories of what happened earlier filled her mind as she sobbed


' Buffy moaned as the kiss deepened. She brought her hands play with the hair at the back of his neck. He kissed a trail down her jaw, down to her neck, and continued to descend lower'

Buffy scrubbed at her neck and chest furiously. Trying to wipe away every trace of his kisses. She wanted to ipe him away. Wash away the feelings he hdad made her feel.

'Spike led her into the bedroom. He kissed her again, as he walked her backwards to the bed. Unbuttoning her shirt as the went. Bufyy pulled his t-shirt out of his jeans, pulling away from the kiss to pull the t-shirt over his head. She admired his sculpted chest for a minute before trailing kisses down it'

She stood with her face upwards, the hot water streaming down onto it. While she scrubbed at her arms and hands with the sponge. She wanted to wash away every touch. Because it hurt too much. She didn't want it to exist anymore, she didn't want it to have happened.

' Buffy moaned as he thrust into her. He waited a moment, letting her get used to him. And then he started to move. Slowly at first. Buffy moved to meet his thrusts as they settled into an easy rhythm.'

Her skin was turning red, she was scrubbing so hard. As she remembered that final thing, she dropped the sponge and fell to the bottom of the tub. Her back to the wall, she sobbed. She cried for the hurt he had inflicted on her, and she cried because even though he had hurt her, she still cared. She still wanted him; still wanted him to want her.


"We're going to have to pretend to make up" Willow spun around when she heard Xander's voice behind her.

"We can't talk to each other Xander"

"Willow, they now something's wrong. They'll be more suspicious if we don't speak to each other" he insisted
"Xander, i don't know what to do. I don't know what i want anymore." they spoke in hushed whispers

"I know, but Willow they're already suspicious. So we'll tell them we made up. "

"Ok" she agreed



Spike was watching t.v when he heard a knock at the door for the second time that day. He stormed to the door, expecting to see Buffy when he opened it. He had tried not to think about what had happened. He did feel guilty but only because of the hurt he had saw on her face when he handed her her clothes. He didn't regret telling her to go though. He opened the door, and was a little surprised to see his father at the door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought i'd come by and see how you are" Giles informed him, not waiting for an invite before walking inside

"I'm fine" Spike told him. Keeping it short andleving the door lying open in hopes his father would take the hint. But he just went into the living room and sat down., so apparently he didn't.

Spike pushed the door closed and went to join Giles. He sat in the same seat he was in earlier. And waited for Giles to start whatever he had come to say. Because he never came to the apartment to see Spike unless he wanted to lecture him or some such thing.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Buffy this week" and let the games begin Spike thought when he heard the first sentence his father uttere.

"Yeah"

"William, Buffy is not from Sunnydale as you well know. But she is a very sweet girl. From what i can tell she likes you. She cares. I know how closed off you have been; you have closed your heart but -"

"Look dad, this is pointless alright. I have no feelings for Buffy. I don't i talked to her because she wanted to know. I didn't tell her because i feel anything for her, telling her was the only way to get her to leave me alon" his voice escalated as he spoke to Giles. When he was finished Giles stood and made his way out, but first he turned back to Spike

"You can make yourself whatever you want. But, if you are anything like me at all, then don't keep your heart shut off forever. You'll just be lonely for the rest of your life. Don't be afraid that you'll be hurt again. Sometimes it's worth taking that risk, if you think you love someone"

He opened the door, but before he left he heard Spike say

"Well, i don't so it doesn't matter"




Buffy dragged herself from the now cold shower. She wrapped herself in a towel and lay down on the bed. Rocking herself back and forth she cried herself to sleep.


Chapter 12



Buffy awoke at about 10:30, she didn't move from her place on the bed. She lay there staring into nothingness, she looked into space, it was like she was in a trance. She felt numb. The pain and humiliation of what had occurred eating at her from the inside. She had cared for Spike, and she had slept with him, believing he must have cared for her too. But he had used her. He had got what he wanted and thrown her out like yesterday's trash. She felt used and degraded. It wasn't in her nature just to sleep with a guy that she hardly knew. But she had saw something special in Spike, and even now, after what had happened, she still cared for him. She still wanted him. She wanted to hate him; part of her did. But a bigger part, had fallen in love with him. And it was still in love with him. When she admitted that to herself, as she lay staring at nothing, as she let her thoughts run continuously in her head, the numbness was gone. All that was left was the pain. And the tears began to fall again. She had never felt so alone.




Tara looked worriedly at the clock. Nobody had seen Buffy since the last time she was at the shop. They were all supposed to meet yesterday, but Buffy had never appeared. Willow hadn't spoken to her either, and Tara was getting worried. It wasn't like Buffy not to let them know if she wasn't going to be around. She was worried something may have happened. She had been watching the clock all morning and it was now midday. Still no word. Something wasn't right. And she wouldn't be able to relax until they found out what.

"Giles" she called to the man standing at the cash register "have you heard anything of Buffy since yesterday?"

"No, i saw William but he didn't mention seeing her. Why?"

"I haven't seen her, in fact nobody has, since the day before yesterday. I'm getting worried. I think i'm gonna go to the motel, see if she's there or if something's wrong with her" she bit her lip worriedly

"Yes that might be sensible" the older man scrunched his eyebrow as he spoke

"Yeah, Anya, could you take me to the motel?" Tara asked

"What about Willow?" Anya questioned from her place tidying shelves

"She's unpacking the new arrivals with Xander and i think it's a good idea if they spend some time together, you know, maybe settle their differences" Tara hinted

"Ok" Anya shrugged. It really didn't matter to her

"Ok, i'll just go let them know"


Tara went to the backroom where Willow and Xander were working

"Hey guys" she said as she entered "Anya and i are gonna go back to the motel and see if Buffy is there. I'm getting worried"

"Do you want me to go?" Willow offered, desperate to get away from the awkwardness going on between herself and Xander

"No, you two finish in here. Giles is working up front. We won't be long"

"Ok" Tara kissed Willow's cheek and went back out to get Anya.



Buffy's tears still flowed unhaltingly as she listened to the knocks at the door. She could hear Tara calling to her. They knew she was there as the checked the parking lot before they came to the door. After five minutes of relentless knocking silence came, but it didn't last long. Suddenly the door swung open and Tara and Anya came in. Tara ran to Buffy's side when she saw the tears

"Sweetie what's wrong?"

Buffy sobbed but didn't answer. Tara patted her back trying in vain to soothe her tears

"Come on Buff, talk to me" Tara pleaded

"He, he used me" Buffy sobbed

"Who?" Tara looked puzzkled, but the answer to her question came to her before Buffy even said the name

"William"

"Oh, Buffy what happened?" Tara asked her

"We, we slept together. Then he gave me, my, my, clothes and he told me to leave" the tears fell harder now. The memories were coming flooding back, bringing fresh waves of tears with them.

"Buffy, i am so sorry. But maybe he isn't worth it" Tara was trying to help but it wasn't working

"Yes he is" Buffy argued through her tears

"Why would you think that after what he did?" she asked

Anya who had been observing silently, becoming frustrated with the stupid questions couldn't help but point out the obvious reasons

"It's because she loves him Tara"

"What? oh" looking back to Buffy "do you?"
Buffy nodded "yes" fresh tears now. The sobs wracked her body as she finally admitted the fweelings out loud and to someone other than herself.

"But how, why?"

"Tara" Anya sighes "you should know that if you love someone they may hurt you but you still love them. I will bet that even now, Buffy would have William in a minute if he came back to her. Just because you may not think a person is worth loving, doesn't mean everyone feels that way. She obviously saw something in him. And you can't help who you fall in love with" Anya plopped down on the edge of the bed when she finished the speech. Tara nodded in understanding

"I'm sorry Buffy. Are you ok, i mean, are you going to be ok?" Buffy nodded, still crying but not as bad anymore. The tears were slowing a bit.

"Do you want us to stay with you for a while?" she he offered

"No, i think i just want to be alone. I still feel so humioliated and hurt. I just need some time"

"Ok" Tara wouldn't argue, she understood a bit better now. She would give her time by herself. "I'm here if you need me"

Buffy nodded.

She was silent as the other two women left.



"Willow we have to do something, we were supposed to be friends again!" Xander reminded her

"I know that, but it isn't that easy. Look lets just pretend it never happened"
She looked away from him and went back to unpacking.


Spike walked into the Magic Box. He figure he should at least look like he was making an effort and pretend nothing was wrong.

"Hi, dad" he greeted as he came in and jumped up to sit on the counter

"Hello William, what brings you here?"

"What can't i just pop in and see my father?" he asked feigning hurt that his father would assume he had an ulterior motive

"Not usually. Hae you given anymore thought to what i said yesterday, about Buffy"

He didn't get a chance to answer


"You asshole" Tara yelled as she came in the door, closely followed by Anya. Giled was shocked at the sight of the angry woman. A woman who was usually so timid.

"What did i do?" Spike asked innocently

"Buffy is at the motel, she has been crying since yesterday. Any idea why that might be?" she raised an eyebrow and scowled at him, daring him to deny that he knew the reason

"Maybe" he admitted

"What is going on?" Giles asked

"He slept with Buffy" Anya filled in, her usual blunt self

"What?" Giles' face reddened and he looked angry

"No more than that" Tra yelled "He slept with her and then, he handed her her clothes and told her to leave. Buffy feels humiliated"

"William, how could you do that to her?" his father was shocked, he never wouls haveimagined his son would do such a thing

"Because i don't bloody care about the bloody Bint" he screamed "For god's sake, so we shagged, it was nothing earth shattering. I have no feeling for her, she was a quick fuck, there when i needed an itch scratched. Nothing more, now get off my bloody back" with that he stormed out leaving a stunned and angry audience.





"You know what, i can't just pretend it never happened, i can't just stop being attracted to you" Xander said softly

"I know, but neither of us wants to hurt Anya or Tara"

"I know it's just" he turned to face her to finish his sentence but instead he leaned in and kissed her. The kiss quickly grew passionate, and was becoming more so when they heard twin gasps from the door. They jumped apart and looked around, coming face to face with Anya and Tara

"Oh god" Willow muttered. Tara ran from the room, soon followed by Anya who stopped only to give both Willow and Xander swift slaps to the face.


Back in the main shop, Tara sat in tears as did Anya. A crying Willow then came running from the back room to stand before them, she kneeled in front of Tara

"I'm sorry, i am so sorry"

"Why?" Tara's question was simple but it was one that neither Willow, nor Xander who had now joined her could answer

"I don't know. I just know we got close and i could speak to him and then it just happened"

Tara's heart broke "What could you talk to him about that you couldn't talk to me about?"

"Us. You and me. Tara i wanna come and live here after graduation, you don't want that. And i couldn't talk to you about that. I couldn't take your dream away from you. But Tara i want to do this" Willow's tears rolled down her cheeks

"So, what we're just over?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I want to come here"

"I don't" Tra admitted softly "Do you love Xander?"

"I think i do. Maybe. So i guess yeah, we're over"

"I dont want it to be" Tara said, as her tears fell

"I know, i'm so sorry, i love you. I always will. But i fell in love with Xander"

"I love you so much Willow, and i could forgive you. Someone told me you can't help who you love and would forgive them for hurting you because you love them. But obviously, that's not gonna happen is it. Because you don't want it to do you?"

"No" Willow shook her head

"So, we're really over. I will always love you Willow"

"I'll always love you too. In some way" Tara kissed her softly on the cheek. And then sat in silence. Now it was Anya's turn to speak

"What about you, do you love her?"

"Yes" Even Xander was crying now

"Why? You were supposed to love ME, you were going to marry ME. Why don't you love me anymore?" Anya cried as she sunk to her knees sobbing.

"I'm sorry Anya, i really am,but everything was getting on top of me. I was afraid and i was feeling like we didn't have much in common anymore. And then i met Willow and spent time with her and it just happened" his voice broke with his tears "We never meant to or wanted to hurt anybody"

"Don't say that, you knew we would be hurt" Xander kneeled and tried to wrap an arm around Anya but she pushed him away

"Don't touch me. Leave me alone" she ordered "so i guess we're over too. I hope you are both very happy. Because, i hate you. You broke my heart. Willow was supposed to be a friend and you were supposed to love me. I will never forgive you" She stood up and ran from the shop.

Tara, Willow and Xander cried from their places in the shop. Anya cried as she walked down the street. It echoed the tears of Buffy, who cried alone in her room once again.

Chapter 13



The next couple of days passed in a bit of a haze. A lot of tears were shed, Buffy still didn't leave her room and Tara was gone. Willow wanted to stay the rest of the week, Buffy didn't really notice what was going on so she stayed. Tara had come back to the motel on Thursday afternoon, packed her stuff and got on a bus back to LA. She couldn't be around Sunnydale. Her heart was shattere and she had to get away. Xander was staying at the motel with Willow, he didn't want to upset Anya by going back to the apartment. They thought it was best to lay low for a couple of days. Giles hadn't heard from Spike either, he was angry about his son's actions and extremely sympathetic about what he did to Buffy. And now Saturday was here. Their last full day in Suunydale. And nobody had any plans. Or any desire to do anything.


Buffy was gettinjg better, she still hadn't left her room, but she had gotten dressed, watched some television. And her tears only came every so often. She still felt down, but she was beginning to come to terms with what happened. And had decided she wouldn't wallow in her own self- pity on the last day in Sunnydale. So, she had gotten out of bed, showered and dressed and now she was standing outside of Willow and Tara's room. Still unaware that Tara was gone. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer and was shocked when Xander was the one to answer.

"Buffy" he greeted, equally shocked to see her "come in"
Buffy went in and saw Willow sitting on the couch

"Willow what are you doing. Tara is going to be heartbroken" she shutr up when she saw her friend's red rimmed eyes from crying

"She already is Buffy. She saw us, when she came looking for you the other day, when she came back to the shop, she and Anya saw us. Tara's gone"

Buffy forgot her own pain for the time being and ran to her friend's sid, hugging her "Wills, i'm so sorry. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. It was gonna be over anyway we wanted different things and i fell in love with Xander. But BVuffy, i never wanted to hurt her"

"Oh, seetie i know. It's ok, it'll get better" she soothed. Knowing from her experience in the past week that her words were true, and it would just take some time

"Yeah. I heard what happened with William, i'm sorry" Willow said

"Yeah me too" Buffy smiled slightly and then turned to face Xander

"You ok?"

"Yeah, i just never wanted to hurt Anya" he said, echoing Willow's earlier words regarding Tara

"Yeah well, i'm not trying to preach but you knew they would be hurt. When you cheat on someone there is aleways someone who gets hurt. I just hope you twop can work things out, i hope it was all worth it"

"Us too" Willow said quietly.

Buffy stood up

"Well, no wallowing today. This is our last day in Sunnydale. Let's go and see Giles, maybe get some lunch. Come on you two lets go"
Willow giggled slightly and stood. She grabbed Xander's hand and left with Buffy.




Spike sat on his couch watching television. Or at least trying to. The things he had said about Buffy and the reaction of everyone in the Magic Box the other day kept creeping back into his head. He still felt no guilt, still had no feelings for her. But heb was still a little miffed at the reactions. It wasn't like he was the first person to sleep with soemone just for the sake of it. But they acted like he was the scum of the earth, for doing something they had probably done before too. It wasn't his fault Buffy had read more into it than what it was. That was it he'd had enough. He didn't want to think about it anymore. He shut off the t.v and lest the apartment.



Buffy, Willow and Xander filed into the Magic Box. They had gone for lunch first before heading to the shop. Willow's grip on Xander's hand tightened. They both let out a sigh of relief though when they saw that Anya wasn't in the shop.

"Hi Giles" Buffy smiled at the man as she walked to the counter

"Buffy" he greeted warmly "Xander, Willow. How have you all been?"

"Ok" Willow answered

"Good. And what about you Buffy?"

"I'm ok. Doing better. I guess you heard what happened" she blushed a little, after all William was Giles' son. And she was still embarrassed about what happened

"Yes, and i am so sorry about what my son did. I must say i never would have thought he would do such a thing" he removed his glasses and wiped at them with the edge of his sleeve

"Yeah, funnily enough neither did i. But, it's not your fault."

"Maybe not, but he is still my son"

"I know" she smiled again, and opened her mouth to speak but Xanedr beat her to it

"Giles, where's Anya?"

"She took a few days off. She needed a few days alone, as i'm sure you'll understand" he sounded like an annoyed father

"Yeah"

"I have to say i would not have expected what the two of you did either. However, the circumstances were different and i understand that you fell in love. But that does not change the fact that you both hurt nice and caring people who loved you very much"

"We know" Willow replied softly

"Ok. Then this conversation is over. Let's discuss it no further" with that he turned back to his work and began chatting to them as normal.



The rest of the day continued in a similar manner. They all pitched in and helped Giles in the shop. They talked and worked and had a good time. It was the first time in a few days that they had all felt comfortable in the same room together. There was still a lot to be resolved. But things were looking up.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I based this song on the song at the end and it belongs to Busted.


Chapter 14


Buffy folded her clothes and carefully packed them into her duffel bag. It was 9pm and they were getting everything ready to leave early in the morning.

"So are you glad we came here?" she asked Willow as she took a shirt from her and put it in the bag
"Yeah, mostly. I'm glad i found this place and Xander. But i hate the fact that coming here ended up hurting Tara so much"
"Yeah. So are you gonna come here after graduation?"
"Yeah, i mean Xander is here and i really like Sunnydale. I think i'd be happy here. so yeah, i am" she decided
"Cool. I still have no idea what i'm going to do. But i hope you'll be happy Wills"
"Thanks Buff" the redhead threw her arms around Buffy, hugging her tight.
They shared a smile and then got back to work. They packed for the next hour or so. Packing all of Buffy's things first and then going to Willow's room to pack her things. They kept working until a kock came at the door signalling the arrival of Xander. Willow ran to the door, she jumped into Xander's arms, kissing him.

"Hey you"
"Hey yourself" he replied planting a soft kiss on her forehead "You two almost done here?"
"Yep" Buffy answered zipping Willow's bag "all done"
"So, what are we doing tonight?"
Willow looked at Buffy and motioned towards the door with her head. Buffy took the hint
"I don't know about you two but i am going to have an early night. Leaving early tomorrow and all night"
She winked at Willow as she was leaving making her giggle. Even though Tara was one of her best friends, Buffy couldn't help but smile at the two of them as she went back to her room.



Spike sat in a diner that he just to go to regularly when he attended UCLA. He was nursing a cup of coffee, wishing it was something much stronger. He ahd called his father to let him know he had gone away, and he had listened to his father prattle on for 30 minutes about his mistreatment of Buffy; the things he had said about her and how he should have given her more of a chance. He had told his father however, in no uncertain terms, that he wasn't interested. He didn't care. Nothing was going to make him change hios opinion. He looked up when he caught a glimpse of someone standing next to his table

"William my boy, how are you?"
"Angel" Spike almost growled as he said the name. This was a man he truly hated. The man who had helped to destroy his life. Drusilla's 'one true love'.
"So, how did your final year of college go?" The other man taunted
"Piss off Angel"
"Oh that's right you didn't go" Spike refu to rise to the bait. He threw some money on the table for the coffee, stood up and walked out.
"What's the matter Will, not happy to see me?"
Spike whirled round to face Angel
"Sod off, Angel, go back to Dru and leave me the hell alone"
"I would but i don't know where Dru is. Don't want to either" Angel admitted
"What are you talking about?" Spike demanded
"Well, i stuck about for about a year. Came backjust over a month ago. All the money's gone now. I have no use for the whore" Angel smirked
"Yeah well, neither do i. Now go to hell. Oh and by that way, i want my money back. It may be gone, but you better find it from somewhere"
He walked towards his car, but stopped when he heard Angel's harsh laugh
"And why would i do that? You'll never get a cent from me"
Spike ran at him and grabbed him by the lapels of his coat "Listen here Angel, you and that bitch ruined my life. I want my money back, and you better get it" Spiek threatened
Angel pushed him away, but Spike puncehed him on the jaw. This made Angel really angry, he reached inside his jacket and pulled out a gun. Pointing it at Spike
"You know, i never did like you, so i'm gonna enjoy this" As he moved to pull the trigger Spike lunged at him. He grabbed Angel's arm and tried to get the gun from his grasp. They struggled for a few moments and then a shot rang out through the air.



Willow lay curled up at Xander's side, smiling softly. They spoke in whispers even though they were alone in the room
"So, you gonna come visit me in LA?"
"Try and stop me. I will be there every weekend" he declared
"Ok" she gigged slightly "I love you, Xander"
"I love you too Willow" he leaned down to kiss her softly.

Giles ran to answer the phone. He had been worried sick since the last time he spoke to Spike. His son had become reckless in the past year; he was constantly worried that he was going to get a phone call telling him something had happened
"Hello...yes, oh dear lord... i understand...of course, i'll be there as soon as i can" Giles' face had paled considerably. As soon as he put the phone down, he foun the car keys and made a run for the door.


Buffy heard a shrill ringing disturb her sleep. She grasped around on the bedside table to find her cell phone. She flipped it open and mumbled a hello without ever looking to see who the caller was. When she heard the voice on the other end she muttered
"Oh god"


Spike had been driving for hours. He had been lucky, Angel had gotten the upper hand over him, but he managed to get the gun pointed away from him. Nobody was shot but Angel was pretty shaken up. That was his falt tho. Spike got the gun away from him, emptieed it of bullets and the thrown it in a dumpster and left. He had driven around LA for another hour thinking. And his converstion with his father sprung to mind again. Once again, he told himself he didn't care. But he realised, if that was the case, then why did he keep thinking about it. Why did he have to keep repeating the words to himself. And then he knew. He took a cut off and was on his way to Sunnydale again.


Giles rushed into the hospital
"I'm here regarding Anya Jenkins" he told the nurse on reception. She had no family of her own, so Giles as he employer was listed as next of kin. She hadn't gotten around to changing it to Xander. The nurse told him that she would get the doctor. He took a seat and waited. The doctor arrived ten minutes later looking solemn
"Doctor"
The doctor looked at Giles sadly
"I'm sorry sir, i'm afraid Anya passed away a few minutes ago" the doctor informed him
"How?" Giles asked
Keeping it strictly business the doctor told him what happened
"She was in a car accident. She was just coming into Sunnydale, and another driver lost control of their car. They hit Miss Jenkins' car. She skidded off the road and into a tree. She was still alive, but our efforts to keep it that way didn't succeed and we lost her. I'm very sorry" the doctor passed his condolensces on to Giles and then excused himself. Giles sat down again, weeping over the loss of such a young and caring woman. A few minutes a nurse came, asking him to formally identify the body. He followed silently behind her, into the room where her body was. He watched as the nurse pulled back the sheet that covered her. His tears kept falling as he looked at her bruised and bloody face. But he thought she looked at peace. To most it would simply look like she was deep in slumber. He went over and placed a kiss on her head and said softly
"Sleep well, dear Anya, sleep well" he stepped back and told the nurse that it was indeed Anya and let her pull the sheet back up. He then left the room. He had a phone call he had to make.

"Spike what do you want?" Buffy snapped
"You" he said simply
"Yeah well you can't have me. You ruined your chances" she told him, trying to stay calm, but her voice dripping with anger
"No i haven't, i want you Buffy"
"Why should i listen to anything you have to say?" she asked
"Because i say so. Look Buffy, i know i treated you bad, i was a right bastard i know. But i was scared after what happened with Dru. I know that was no excuse but it's the only one i have"
Buffy looked at the clock
"Spike it is 3AM!" she exclaimed "and i know you have been hurt but you know that i'm not Drusilla"
"I know and i realised that tonight" it was raining, well, a thunderstorm actually and Spike was soaked through. But he refused to give up
"And you realised this how" she wasn't trying to hide her ager any more "Spike you hurt and humiliated me. I cared for you and you treated me like some cheap hooker"
"I did" he admitted "and i'm sorry. But i met Dru's ex tonight. And he said some things and i realised that they weren't worth ruining my life over. They are pathetic and not worth my pain. But Buffy you are. I am so sorry"
"Why should i believe you?"
Spike wiped the rain from his gface, pushing the hair back from his face.


Xander answered his phone and was surprised to hear Giles on the other end
"Hey G man, what's up?.. what?... no, no please no...oh god no" Xander sunk to his knees dropping the phone by his side. Willow ran to his side and saw tears falling down his face
"What's wrong?" she asked alarmed
"She's gone. Anya's dead"
"Oh my god, how?" Willow asked as she too began to cry
"Car accident. Giles had to identify the body. He said she looked peaceful" He pulled Willow into his arms. Clinging to her, as he mourned the death of a lost love.

There was silence on the other side of the phone but Buffy could hear the rain
"I asked why i should believe you, why should i give you another chance?"
"I don't care what you say Buffy, i'm going to get you back"
Buffy snorted sarcastically but didn't miss his final staement
"Because i love you"
Buffy almost dropped the phone
"What?" she gasped
"I love you" he smirked a little at what he suspected was stunned silence
"Where are you?"
"Outside"
"Outside" Buffy repeated, she jumped out of bed and ran for the door, slipping her shoes on as she went. She threw open the door and saw him standing right outside in thee pouring rain. Soaked to the skin, holding his cell phone and smiling. She ran from the room and straight into his arm. She kissed him, it was passionate, and he deepened it straight away. Both of them were soaking now. But neither of them seemed to notice. Thunder and lightening sounded and lit up the sky all around them. But they were oblivious, lost in each other. When spike broke the kiss he spoke instantly
"I wasn't finished my speech"
Buffy nodded at him, letting him know he could go on
"When Dru did what she did, she broke me. It made me go a little crazy. And i was terrified i would crack up again. I didn't wanna be hurt again, because my heart couldn't take it. So i hurt you first. You had become like a friend. I trusted you and i want that back. Only i don't wanna be just friends because... i love you. And do not ask me how that happened. I think i always knew. But i didn't want to love you. I didn't want to take a chance on getting hurt. But as much as i said i didn't care, i still kept thinking about you, what i said, what dad said. And the more i denied it, the more afraid i became. Because, the more you deny that you have feelings for someone, the less believable it becomes. I knew that the only reason i would think about it so much is if i cared about you. But i didn't want to, i guess i hoped that if i said i didn't care, that you were nothing then maybe i'd start to believe it. But i never truly did. I fell in love with you." Buffy kissed him again, it was a much shorter kiss and the rain was still falling
"I love you too. But it's still 3am, i'm tired. And i love you" Spike picked her up and swung her round. Lowering his mouth to hers to capture her ina kiss again. They stayed like thta. Letting the rain fall on them, not noticing the thunder that made the sky shine brighter, or the banging of the thunder. hey were lost in their own world, a world of love and kisses.

(Chapter based on Busted- 3am)
I don't give a damn about you
No nothing can change my mind
No way
I'm happy just to let you walk away

Don't think about you at night
I'm happy to be alone
It's ok
But that was yesterday and now I'm

Driving in my car
Words don't get me far
When they don't mean shit
Ooooooh!

[Chorus:]

I'm calling you at 3am and I,
I'm standing here right outside your door
But I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
And I don't think that my heart can take more

I don't give a damn what you do
I'm gonna get with you
Again
And that's the way this night is gonna end
You said you need some time
How long does it take to see
That we are more than meant to be
And now you're driving in your car
But you won't get far
Cos' your car is shit
Ooooooh!

[Chorus:]

I'm calling you at 3am and I'm
Standing here right outside your door
And I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more

Can take much more (echoes)
Can take much more (echoes)
Can take much more (echoes)

Driving in my car
Words don't get me far
When they don't mean shit
Ooooooh!

[Chorus:]

I'm calling you at 3am and I'm
Standing here right outside your door
And I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more


Chapter 15

Epilogue


Graduation Day


Buffy smiled as she collected her diploma. Spike could be heard cheering as she made her way across the platform. She looked out into the audience, and he smile brightened some more. Spike, Giles and Xander all sat grinning. Willow sat with the other garaduates, also smiling happily. She stood up to hug Buffy as she returned to her seat. It had been an exciting couple of months.



When they got home after spring break, Tara had moved her stuff out. Buffy spoke to her sometimes, but mostly they didn't see her. They had left Sunnydale with the agreement that their boyfriends would come and visit every weekend. And they had. Both couples had grown closer and closer and now they were more in love than ever. As the graduating class was congratulated, Buffy and Willow ran to find the men they loved.

Spike scooped Buffy up in his arms as soon as she reached him, smothering her face in kisses.

"Congratulations baby"

"Thank you" she replied sweetly, planting a soft kiss on his lips.
Spike wrapped his arms around her as they turned to Willow and Xander who were lost in a kiss. Spike cleared is throat, but he was ignored. So, he hit Xander playfully in the arm, making sure he got his attention.

"Congratulations Red"
"Thanks Spike" Willow beamed

"So, what have you two brought for your fabulous girlfriends?" Buffy asked

"A truck" Xander said matter of factly
"No fair" Buffy grumbled

"What don't you wanna come to Sunnydale anymore. Snuggle up with me tonight, in a nice warm bed. Maybe do something other than snuggle" he purred, sending shivers down Buffy's back. She nodded; not entirely trusting her voice. Spike grinned wolfishly

"Let's go then" he took her hand and led her to the car.




Spike and Xander lugged boxes from Buffy and Willow's apartment, Giles, Buffy and Willow stood 'supervising'. Every so often one of the guys would complain, but they would be hushed up by a kiss by their significant others and went right back to work. They were whipped. And they wouldn't have it any other way. The decision that Buffy would move to Sunnydale also was made almost immediately after that last night in Sunnydale. She wanted to be with Spike and she would do what it took. She was going to be doing some freelance work in LA, so that was ok. Willow was going to work in the Magic Box.


Buffy had been afraid that Anya's death would destroy Willow and Xander's relationship, if anything it made it stronger. Because Xander needed Willow. Because, he had love Anya and he still cared, and her death had made Willow and Xander realise that life was too short, and they wouldn't lose each other. Her funeral had been a small affair. She didn't have any family so there were only her friends from Sunnydale, Giles, Spike, Willow, Buffy and Xander. Tara had also come for the funeral. That was the last time Willow saw her. It was a sad day when they buried her, but she looked at peace.

"Hey, are either of you two going to help?" Spike yelled from the truck

Buffy and Willow looked each other and grinned "Nope" the replied together before bursting out in laughter

"You two are so lazy" Xander grumbled

"Oh stop complaining" Willow chided.



Buffy and Willow got started chatting as Giles decided to go help the other men
"So Wills, looking forward to living in Sunnydale?"

"Yep, and it's even more great that we'll still be living together" she replied
After Anya died, Xander and Spike became friends, Xander moved into Spike's spare room. And that is where all four of them would be living.

"I know. And i'm really excited, it's going to be so great" she gushed

"It really is" Willow agreed.


Two hours later, everything was in the truck. Giles was driving it back to Sunnydale with Willow and Xander with him. Buffy was driving back in Spike's car. They said their goodbyes for the moment. Buffy slid in next to Spike and watched the truck drive away. Thirty minutes into the drive Buffy pulled something fromm her pocket

"What's that?" Spike asked
Buffy showed it to him

"How did you get that?"

"I stole it again, that day you helped me with my assignment. It was still on the coffee table" she admitted
Spike rolled his eyes "So, what you gonna do with it?"

Buffy smirked, rolled down the window and put her arm out, letting go of the piece of paper and watched it float away
"Hey" he protested "that's my poem"

"Yeah, but you're my poet"
Spike smiled, understanding exactly what she meant. She moved closer to him leaning her head on his shoulder. That poem was his past. This drive was to their future.

~FIN~

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